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Sweet Baby Ray’s Beef Jerky – 6 Pack

[THE FOLLOWING IS A TRANSCRIPT FROM SWEET BABY RAY’S FAILED ‘THE JERKY BOYZ’ CASSETTE TAPE, RELEASED IN 2010. THE PROJECT FAILED WHEN IT BECAME CLEAR THAT BEEF JERKY WAS INCAPABLE OF SPEECH, AND THEREFORE INCAPABLE OF “PRANKING.”]

PRANK #1

VICTIM 1
Hello?

JERKY

VICTIM 1
Hello?

JERKY

VICTIM 1
Anybody there?

JERKY

VICTIM 1
OK then.

PRANK #2

VICTIM 2
Hello, Andy?

JERKY

VICTIM 2
Hello? I saw this 212 area code, and I think Andy has a 212 area code, but the caller ID didn’t recognize it. Andy?

JERKY

VICTIM
Well, Andy, I can’t hear you, but just tell your brother to meet me at Port Authority at 6:15. I think it’s the south wing.

JERKY

PRANK #3

VICTIM 3

JERKY

VICTIM 3

JERKY

VICTIM 3

[VICTIM 3 WAS ALSO JERKY, AS IT TURNED OUT.]

Nutrition Facts
  Amount % Daily Value
Serving Size 1 oz.  
Servings per Container 3  
Calories 90  
Calories from Fat 10  
Total Fat 1g 2%
Saturated Fat 0g 0%
Trans Fat 0g 0%
Cholesterol 25mg 8%
Sodium 480mg 20%
Total Carbohydrate 6g 2%
Dietary Fiber 0g  
Sugars 6g  
Protein 11g 22%
Vitamin A   0%
Vitamin C   0%
Calcium   0%
Iron   6%
Folate   0%

Ingredients: Beef, water, seasoning blend (salt, brown sugar, sugar, mustard, monosodium glutamate, dehydrated garlic, red pepper, sodium erythorbate, onion powder, spice extractive), brown sugar, Sweet Baby Ray’s jerky base (vinegar powder [dextrin, modified food starch, vinegar solids], tomato powder, pineapple juice power [maltodextrin, pineapple juice], Worcestershire sauce powder [distilled vinegar, molasses, corn syrup, salt, caramel color, garlic powder, sugar, spices, tamarind, natural flavor and sulfiting agents], maltodextrin), natural smoke flavor, spices, and not more than 2% silicon dioxide added to prevent caking, sodium nitrite.  May contain wheat and soy.

In the box:

(6) Bridgford Sweet Baby Ray’s Beef Jerky, 3oz.

Woot

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