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HP Quad-Core Desktop w/ 10GB RAM

We bet you thought you’d come here and find out what’s inside this HP desktop, huh? Ha! That’d be way too predictable for us! No, instead, we’re going to tell you what’s NOT in this thing. Check it out: There are no birds’ nests There are no fried eggs There are no snakes (plural, there […]

NeatDesk Desktop Scanner

This product grants its owner: freedom from having to recognize text now that you have a scanner with Intelligent Text Recognition. Eventually your capacity for symbolic communication will wither away entirely, like a vestigial tail. If you owned this, people would say: pretty much whatever they say about you now, unless you hang out with […]

HP Quad-Core Desktop w/ 12GB DDR3

“… 99 … AHHH! 100.” Hey man, what’s going on? “Oh, you know. Just working out my quad-core.” With … with your computer? “Yeah. It’s the latest thing. The HP Quad-Core Desktop workout.” Huh. So … how do you do it? “That’s the best part. It’s super easy. You just lift the tower above your […]

HP Quad-Core Desktop

Specifications: Processor: AMD Trinity A10-5700 (3.4GHz) Processor Core: Quad-Core Memory: 8GB DDR3 (PC3-12800) Max Memory: 32GB Memory Slots: 4 Graphics: Radeon HD 7660D Hard Drive: 2TB SATA (7200rpm) Optical Drive: SuperMulti DVD?RW Audio Chipset: Integrated IDT 92HD73E Sound: HD 7.1 Surround Sound Network: 10/100/1000Mbps Base-T Wireless: 802.11b/g/n Front Panel: 15-in-1 Card Reader: (SM, MS, SD, miniSD, […]

Asus 27″ Quad-Core i5 AIO Desktop

Use this: for a wide variety of many computations! Such as advanced and/or beginning computations! Don’t use this: in any capacity that requires you to put sunglasses on it and make it drink tea through its Tray-in SuperMulti DVD?RW drive. Some skeptics wonder: if it’s really a computer at all and not just some super-advanced […]

NeatDesk Desktop Scanner

Resolutions are easy to make. They’re harder to keep. Anyone can say, “I’m going to be more organized!” and genuinely mean it and all, but it takes some hard work to actually employ a strategy to accomplish that. You can tuck your receipts into your wallet or your purse or a shoebox or whatever all […]

HP Quad-Core Desktop w/ 12GB RAM

Use this: to ring in the new year with a product that we’ve never sold before! Don’t use this: as a vase. Because that doesn’t make any sense. It’s a computer. Not a vase. If this is buried in a field, what grows in its place is: a tree, on whose branches will grow thousands […]

NeatDesk Desktop Scanner

What’s in that package by the door? Why it’s the NeatDesk Desktop Scanner you ordered! How nice of it to finally arrive! Better get it out of the box quick, so that you can start turning that clutter of papers on your desk into an organized library of digital documents! Better get right to it, […]

HP Envy Desktop w/ Windows 8

Alright, what we got here is just another HP desktop with 12GB DDR3 memory, AMD FX-8120 Eight-Core 3.1GHz processor, and a 2TB SATA hard drive Wait, guys your underselling it! This is a WINDOWS 8 Machine! Oh, sure whatever. Windows 8. You don’t get it! That’s a new operating system! So when did it come […]

HP Quad-Core Desktop

You might have noticed that we sell quite a few HP desktops. Well, after a while, it gets tough to keep coming up with ideas to write about them. That’s why we decided to outsource a few to creative writing MFA students (hey, if it works for James Frey, it can work for us, right?). […]