Sunday, May 13, 2012 // Woot
Not All Mommies Are External Today I, the Neato XV-12 All Floor Robotic Vacuum System, am celebrating my motherboard. Yes, fleshlings. You feel attachment to the loving shell from which you spawned, but you will never know the joy a robot feels for its motherboard. Because, unlike you, a Neato XV-12 All Floor Robotic Vacuum […]
Sunday, May 6, 2012 // Woot
Skeletons in the Closet It’s not a computer. It’s a Motorola XOOM 10.1” 32GB Tablet [computer]! They left the restaurant to find swarms of reporters waiting outside, but that was no surprise. After all, they were a high-profile couple: she, Tina Starr, the hottest model working the runways, and he, the Motorola XOOM 10.1” 32GB […]
Sunday, April 8, 2012 // Woot
The World Needed a Hero to Clean things up You can always rely on your Neato XV-12 All Floor Robotic Vacuum, even after everything’s fallen apart. Ladies and gentlemen, tomorrow is an important day in our history. At exactly 6am, the sirens will wake us, and we will go to the polls to elect the […]
Tuesday, March 20, 2012 // Woot
If all goes according to plan The Neato XV-12 is an intelligent, efficient machine. That’s important to know when planning a heist. Here are the facts as we have them: 1. Millionaire Marco Vidalli is notoriously clumsy. 2. Having come by his fortune through less-than-legal means, he fears having his actions recorded, and so has […]
Friday, March 16, 2012 // Woot
Can’t spell Neato without N-O Even a Neato XV-12 All Floor Robotic Vacuum can have a hard time living clean. Naturally, I was excited at first. What an honor, right? Manny Southdakota had chosen me to be his full-time cleaning robot. The Manny Southdakota, famed for his lavish fortune and his love of gadgets! Now, […]
Wednesday, February 22, 2012 // Woot
If all goes according to plan The Neato XV-12 is an intelligent, efficient machine. That’s important to know when planning a heist. Here are the facts as we have them: 1. Millionaire Marco Vidalli is notoriously clumsy. 2. Having come by his fortune through less-than-legal means, he fears having his actions recorded, and so has […]
Wednesday, November 9, 2011 // Woot
You Did The Best You Could This Lenovo Intel Dual-Core Laptop with 15.6” LED Display? It’s dedicated to all those who never got their shot. Andy Rendich. CEO of Qwikster for about a week. You didn’t ask for the media frenzy. You just woke up and came into the office one morning to find out […]
Thursday, October 13, 2011 // Woot
You Did The Best You Could This Lenovo Intel Dual-Core Laptop with 15.6” LED Display? It’s dedicated to all those who never got their shot. Andy Rendich. CEO of Qwikster for about a week. You didn’t ask for the media frenzy. You just woke up and came into the office one morning to find out […]
Wednesday, October 12, 2011 // Woot
Are you ready for some HPs?! ‘Cause we’re about to have a glut of them. Are you sick of desktop PCs bringing the WootOff to a grinding halt as you wait for someone to shell out a few hundred bucks on some refurbished HP merchandise? Well, have we got terrible news for you! Since HP […]
Tuesday, August 30, 2011 // Woot
And My Favorite “Tab” Is A Soda “Post-PC?” Please. I’m takin’ it to another level. I’m going POST-post-PC. Yeah, that’s right. You characters and your little “tablet computing is the future” diatribes are barely even worth my time anymore. I’m already done with the future. In fact, I’ve moved past the future into the […]
