Friday, May 4, 2012 // Woot
Honesty If only my subjects were as intelligent and easy to command as this JVC Everio HD Camcorder. The message I hope to deliver here is simple: “either you’ll vote for me, or you’ll die.” My campaign manager suggested that I go with something a bit less, as he called it, “offensive.” He thought that […]
Thursday, April 26, 2012 // Woot
South Flaw It doesn’t right all of the wrongs done to us, but it helps. Life isn’t always easy for lefties like us. Sure, our south-pawed approach doesn’t affect our ability to walk or breath or sleep or do many other necessary day-to-day things. In fact, our lives go on mostly un-hindered. But there are […]
Thursday, April 26, 2012 // Woot
Stan Killjoy, Sick Day Detective There’s a fine line between Personal Time Off and a Sick Day. Me? I’m what you might call the local border patrol. Irritable bowel syndrome. That’s what I’m thinking about as I watch the children ride round and round on the old Mayfield Carousel. No one knows what causes it, […]
Thursday, April 12, 2012 // Woot
Stan Killjoy, Sick Day Detective There’s a fine line between Personal Time Off and a Sick Day. Me? I’m what you might call the local border patrol. Irritable bowel syndrome. That’s what I’m thinking about as I watch the children ride round and round on the old Mayfield Carousel. No one knows what causes it, […]
Saturday, March 24, 2012 // Woot
And Then The ”| | |” Slowly Turns Into “JVC” Okay, Ridley, I know you hid a Predator in this movie somewhere… Yeah, you thought nobody would watch the Prometheus trailer six thousand times in a week, but you didn’t count on me, did you? Even still, I couldn’t find a single Predator anywhere… but […]
Wednesday, February 29, 2012 // Woot
Jump In Wait, all I have to do is tell people on the Internet that I want to make a video and they’ll send me money? Count me in! Hi, and welcome to my JumperCable page! For years, I’ve been looking for a way to convince others that I deserve to be freely given their […]
Friday, February 24, 2012 // Woot
Shooting the Dead Jeez, can we get one minute of footage without some paranormal stuff messing everything up?! Cut! Cut! Cut! No Ryan, there’s nothing wrong with your delivery. Your muffled crying was perfect! It’s just that whispering voice in the wind again. You know, talking about “all who enter be warned” and “ye all […]
Thursday, February 23, 2012 // Woot
Just Ignore Them, They’ll Slowly Go Away Hey, Internet citizens. Grab a camera. We’re at the point where we just gotta make our own content. We don’t want to point fingers here, but someone who rhymes with “Smallywood” keeps coming in and getting all up in our business. Like, ALLL up in our business. But […]
Monday, October 31, 2011 // Woot
Lights, Camera, Cats Action What do you mean, “why” is it my dream to film an all-cat remake of the 1991 Gene Hackman legal thriller Class Action? “Why?” What kind of question is that? I don’t cross-examine my dreams, OK? Maybe you’re the kind of person who sees an exquisite butterfly flitting across a field […]
Thursday, October 13, 2011 // Woot
Sneak Me Into The Ballgame What’s the matter, can’t you read the signature on this consent form? It says right there, “Major League Baseball.” Forged? Well, that’s just, like, your opinion, man. Looks like it’s my word against yours. So here’s what we can do: we can take the time and expense of sending this […]
