Sunday, July 29, 2012 // Woot
Anniversaries and birthdays are great and all, but you know what really calls for a nice glass of wine? Finding the will to get out of bed. Not immediately, of course. You’ve still got an awful lot to do during your day. Like your solemn, joyless commute to work, for instance. And your daily morning meeting/corporate […]
Sunday, July 29, 2012 // Woot
Hello, Cobia support? Hey, yeah, I was just calling because I have a quick question about your product, the Cobia XL Pool Cleaner. Yeah, so I know that it cleans pools in the traditional sense, but what about the abstract? Like, can it remove the filth of moral indiscretions? Just to clarify: not mine. My […]
Saturday, July 28, 2012 // Woot
User: CrampyCabbage340 Kills: 4056 Deaths: 3677 Accuracy: 34% Achievements: 56 Eyeballs protected by Gunnar Eyewear: 2 Hours of eye-strain-free gaming: 2045 Friends alienated: 3 Empty “Cup O Noodles” cups currently in apartment: 5 Dates this week: 0 Blankets used as towels: 1 Parents disappointed: 2 Vitamin D levels: Critical Year Magna Carta ratified: 1215 Money […]
Saturday, July 28, 2012 // Woot
The story goes that whenever notorious criminal, Fritz Klien, holds any sort of meeting, he makes sure to choose a room with one door and one door only. The reason for this: his bodyguard, Ivonova Welsh. Ivonova is ex-KGB, a heartless assassin. Almost too heartless, in fact. She cares not about anyone’s life, not even […]
Saturday, July 28, 2012 // Woot
Danielle wasn’t alarmed to find the package in her vestibule because she knew what it was right away. It was that Troy-Bilt 16″ Reel Mower, and it was terribly gift-wrapped, because Phil had no idea how to use tape and paper. But it was a gift for her dad, and she knew her dad wouldn’t […]
Saturday, July 28, 2012 // Woot
“One, two…” Oh no, what comes after two? WHAT COMES AFTER oh wait, I remember. “Free, four, five, six!” There! I counted all the empty slots in the wood storage case of my puzzle bundle. Surely, Daddy gets the picture now. “Very GOOD, Ella! You counted all the way to six! Do you remember what […]
Saturday, July 28, 2012 // Woot
I grew up constantly wearing goggles, and it’s part of who I am — my identity. I no longer see being goggled as a disability, but unfortunately many people still do. I can see it when I walk through a crowded street and they avert their gaze from my durable Lexan lenses. But thanks to […]
Saturday, July 28, 2012 // Woot
For years I wondered, could I ever, one day, possess the grilled beef patty? Would its meaty juices and melted cheese ever truly belong to me? I came to the conclusion: yes! As long as I have paws for reaching and legs for leaping, then there is a possibility that I could, in the future, […]
Saturday, July 28, 2012 // Woot
I tell you, these art gallery showings are becoming more and more niche by the week, Reginald, and I am LOVING it. It hurts my heart to think of all the time we wasted going to those stuffy, pompous art openings we used to attend, dear. I’ll admit, I had my doubts when you suggested […]
Saturday, July 28, 2012 // Woot
Everybody wants a nice big TV to watch a movie or invite friends over for the game. And everybody wants an ample, voluptuous bustle to emphasize their hindquarters. But here’s the thing: Go too big with either and it starts to seem like you’re just showing off. This Hisense 40″ LCD TV is just right. […]
