Wednesday, May 16, 2012 // Woot
Back On The Pull List Some time later, at the long table within the Penthouse of Evil, members of the Chaos Conglomerate await a very special arrival… The Yellow Detonator: All I’m saying is that, as the mirror version of The Ogre, one would assume you’d talk, you know, normally. Nega-Ogre: RRWWWARRGMONNMO! The Drunk Heckler: […]
Tuesday, May 15, 2012 // Woot
Maybe we should focus group this a little more. Here’s a slogan for ya: it’s better than trash! You spent what, $ 400 on that fancy iPad 2? Maybe you just plunked down $ 500 on one of those “The New iPads” everyone’s excited about. And yet what do you do when you’re trying […]
Monday, May 14, 2012 // Woot
Carve Out Some Space Great news, honey! Now that we’ve replaced our desktop PC, we can use the desk to display my collection of erotic woodcarvings! I think my skills as a woodcarver, and as an artistic interpreter of sensual love, are finally ready to show the world. And just in time, too. Now that […]
Sunday, May 13, 2012 // Woot
Not All Mommies Are External Today I, the Neato XV-12 All Floor Robotic Vacuum System, am celebrating my motherboard. Yes, fleshlings. You feel attachment to the loving shell from which you spawned, but you will never know the joy a robot feels for its motherboard. Because, unlike you, a Neato XV-12 All Floor Robotic Vacuum […]
Saturday, May 12, 2012 // Woot
Game Over It’s like a game console that doesn’t play games. And some of us like it like that. People always say, why a Roku? Why not a PS3 or a Wii? They stream video and play games. Those people don’t know about my past. They don’t know that I’m a recovered World of Warcraft […]
Friday, May 11, 2012 // Woot
Who’s Stealing From Whom I always wanted to make a crime film. That’s why I bought the Zmodo 4 CH/Camera 500GB Surveillance System. sneak sneak stuff stuff stuff sneak sneak sneak CUT! Okay, can we get some light in here, please? “Wha- what’s going on?” Listen, thiefy-baby. That part where you slid in the window […]
Thursday, May 10, 2012 // Woot
Let’s go live to the action! It’s a tablets, ladders, and chairs match! Hello again, ladies and gentlemen! Jack Grapple here, alongside 46-time American Samoa/Polynesian Title Holder, “Darling” Darryl Dangle! We’re coming to you LIVE from the Holmes Dome in Moriarty, New Mexico, and we’re about to kick off the Main Event here at Manimalicious […]
Wednesday, May 9, 2012 // Woot
Life Sucks This vacuum is perfect for picking up the pieces of my broken life. After my wife left me, I lost my job, an isolated earthquake struck my house, and my kids tried to burn down what was left of my house with me inside to collect life insurance, I really didn’t know what […]
Tuesday, May 8, 2012 // Woot
Breaking the 4th Wall Some people take their entertainment a little too seriously. “Hey Charlie, what’s up?” I’m gonna make him an offer he can’t refuse. “Who? Huh?” You talkin’ to me? “Um, yeah. Who are you talking to?” Well, hello Clarice. “Who’s Clarice? I’m Dana, remember?” There is no Dana, only Zuul. “Hey, Lisa. […]
Monday, May 7, 2012 // Woot
Escape From Your Troubles And for my next trick, I shall help this wine escape from this bottle. “Jeez, this guy’s terrible. I can’t believe we paid money to watch this.” “Hey, you’re the one who was all ‘let’s go see a magician’. If it was up to me, we’d be watching The Avengers right […]
