Thursday, August 2, 2012 // Woot
Honey, you know how you asked me to go to the store and pick up one of those bladeless Dyson fans? Well, here’s what I got. “Um, this isn’t a fan, Chris… it’s a Dyson DC24 vacuum. That’s pretty much the opposite of the fan.” I know! Exactly! It’s opposite day! “What? Chris, it’s too […]
Friday, July 20, 2012 // Woot
Johnny, I’ll miss Scraps just as much as you will. Actually, no, that’s not true. He shed a lot and liked to mess the carpet, and that frustrated Daddy. But hey, I’ve moved on, and that means you can, too. Now I know you’re sad, but do you think Scraps would want you to be […]
Saturday, July 14, 2012 // Woot
So maybe Lesley wasn’t ready for a baby. Brant could accept that for now. But he still wanted to keep the ball rolling in the right direction, so he brought home the next best thing… a puppy. He knew it was going to be a challenge to keep Lesley from freaking out when she saw […]
Thursday, July 12, 2012 // Woot
You’ll be sitting on the front porch, watching the kids play in the yard and sipping a cool drink when The Man Who Broke Your Heart appears on the sidewalk across the street. Why today, of all days? Does he even remember it’s your birthday? “Boys,” you’ll say as you stand up to get a […]
Wednesday, May 9, 2012 // Woot
Life Sucks This vacuum is perfect for picking up the pieces of my broken life. After my wife left me, I lost my job, an isolated earthquake struck my house, and my kids tried to burn down what was left of my house with me inside to collect life insurance, I really didn’t know what […]
Saturday, April 28, 2012 // Woot
Evolve Or Die The Dyson AM01 Air Multiplier. Because propellers are just plain old. Yeah, I see you over there, Enemy Ace. You’ve got your little propeller-based fan and you’re interdicting the living room with all your might. Master of the air, right? Peak cool? Probably you’ve got the little goggles and the scarf and […]
Wednesday, April 25, 2012 // Woot
Obsessive Compulsive Dysorder We know, we know. You’d rather not think about what’s on the floor you walk across every day. Once you start obsessing over the smorgasbord of crud ensnared in your seemingly innocent carpets, of the microscopic filthies prowling your hardwood and tile, you might never feel clean and safe again. When someone […]
Tuesday, April 17, 2012 // Woot
Hey Marie, ready for lunch? Were you in the middle of vacuuming? I can come back. “I’m sorry, am I early? I figured we could hit up that new cafe, but if you’re busy-” “No, no. Come on in, Lynn! Let me just throw on a jacket before we head out.” “Oh, okay. I saw […]
Thursday, March 29, 2012 // Woot
Use Responsibly This Dyson will sure help you clean. AND THAT’S THE ONLY THING IT WILL DO, YOU UNDERSTAND? Before using your Dyson DC33 Multi Floor Vacuum, please read and sign the Responsible User Statement. I [owner’s name] promise to use this Dyson DC33 Multi Floor Vacuum for the purpose of cleaning and cleaning only. […]
Tuesday, March 20, 2012 // Woot
Dander You Do, Dander You Don’t These Dyson vacuums have really cheapened the hobby of pet-hair collecting. These kids today have no idea what it used to take to build a really good collection. I once drove 400 miles to a convention to buy a wisp of red-sable Pomeranian hair for $ 60 – and […]
