Tuesday, March 6, 2012 // Woot
Dander You Do, Dander You Don’t These Dyson vacuums have really cheapened the hobby of pet-hair collecting. These kids today have no idea what it used to take to build a really good collection. I once drove 400 miles to a convention to buy a wisp of red-sable Pomeranian hair for $ 60 – and […]
Tuesday, February 21, 2012 // Woot
Promotes Clean Floors And Unrealistic Body Image Have you seen how thin Dyson is looking these days? I’m kind of worried about it. I read in In Touch Weekly that it’s down to just 4.85 pounds. That can’t be good for it! Of course, my first thought was “eating disorder”. But my friend waited on […]
Thursday, February 16, 2012 // Woot
Promotes Clean Floors And Unrealistic Body Image Have you seen how thin Dyson is looking these days? I’m kind of worried about it. I read in In Touch Weekly that it’s down to just 4.85 pounds. That can’t be good for it! Of course, my first thought was “eating disorder”. But my friend waited on […]
Saturday, November 12, 2011 // Woot
The Vacuum Is Yours (If You Buy It) You need people like me so you can point your freakin’ fingers and say, “That’s the guy who keeps a messy house.” Oh! You startled me, Mr. Montana! I didn’t see you glaring there. I’ll be just a minute more, and then everything will be nice and […]
Wednesday, November 9, 2011 // Woot
March Of The Gladiators The good part about autumn is the pickup football games! The bad part is what comes inside after you finish. Yep, there’s nothing quite like sliding through cold November mud in your horsin’ around sweater, just like there’s nothing quite like walking up to a warm house and getting a door […]
Friday, October 21, 2011 // Woot
This Dyson can’t be beat. Unless you beat it. Look, they don’t call me “Hector Thomas, The Fan Wrangler” because I don’t know what I’m talking about. So why don’t you just take a seat and listen a minute. There are two things that every fan has in common: 1) they are great for air […]
Monday, October 17, 2011 // Woot
Lean in a little closer. Who knew Trent Reznor was such a neat freak? You help me clean the bedroom You suck up all of the gloom You make a sound that goes vroom You make me not need a broom (Dyson!) You’ve got a HEPA filter (Dyson!) Your motor’s in the ball (Dyson!) Low […]
Tuesday, October 11, 2011 // Woot
The Root Cyclone of Life All I ask is that you please scatter my ashes on the floor. Any floor. And then vacuum them up with a Dyson. Weird? Why is it “weird”? Why is it any weirder than people who want their ashes scattered off of some mountainside or into some bay, where they […]
Thursday, September 22, 2011 // Woot
It’s Just A More Emphatic Way To Say SHHHHH Yes, I KNOW this is a library. But how am I supposed to read with all this crud on the floor? That IS the whole point of the be-quiet-at-the-library rule, isn’t it? So library patrons can concentrate? Well, there’s nothing I find more distracting than a […]
Thursday, September 15, 2011 // Woot
So this is what it’s come to, hipster yuppies? “Air multiplier?” Was “Holy Portal of the Winds” already taken? Okay, we get it. You want to stand out. That’s why you got yourself a Dyson Air Multiplier 10” Bladeless Table Fan. “It’s not a fan,” you say, “a fan has blades!” This is why no […]
