Wednesday, May 9, 2012 // Woot
Life Sucks This vacuum is perfect for picking up the pieces of my broken life. After my wife left me, I lost my job, an isolated earthquake struck my house, and my kids tried to burn down what was left of my house with me inside to collect life insurance, I really didn’t know what […]
Wednesday, April 25, 2012 // Woot
Obsessive Compulsive Dysorder We know, we know. You’d rather not think about what’s on the floor you walk across every day. Once you start obsessing over the smorgasbord of crud ensnared in your seemingly innocent carpets, of the microscopic filthies prowling your hardwood and tile, you might never feel clean and safe again. When someone […]
Tuesday, April 24, 2012 // Woot
Welcome Back, Old Friend Hey there, Roomba. It’s been a while. Gosh, it’s so good to see you again. How long has it been? That long, huh? Wow. Well, you look great. Really great. Have you had your bag-less bin emptied recently? ‘Cause it shows. Me? I’ve been good, I guess. Still working, still trying […]
Tuesday, April 17, 2012 // Woot
Hey Marie, ready for lunch? Were you in the middle of vacuuming? I can come back. “I’m sorry, am I early? I figured we could hit up that new cafe, but if you’re busy-” “No, no. Come on in, Lynn! Let me just throw on a jacket before we head out.” “Oh, okay. I saw […]
Thursday, March 29, 2012 // Woot
Use Responsibly This Dyson will sure help you clean. AND THAT’S THE ONLY THING IT WILL DO, YOU UNDERSTAND? Before using your Dyson DC33 Multi Floor Vacuum, please read and sign the Responsible User Statement. I [owner’s name] promise to use this Dyson DC33 Multi Floor Vacuum for the purpose of cleaning and cleaning only. […]
Tuesday, March 20, 2012 // Woot
If all goes according to plan The Neato XV-12 is an intelligent, efficient machine. That’s important to know when planning a heist. Here are the facts as we have them: 1. Millionaire Marco Vidalli is notoriously clumsy. 2. Having come by his fortune through less-than-legal means, he fears having his actions recorded, and so has […]
Tuesday, March 20, 2012 // Woot
Dander You Do, Dander You Don’t These Dyson vacuums have really cheapened the hobby of pet-hair collecting. These kids today have no idea what it used to take to build a really good collection. I once drove 400 miles to a convention to buy a wisp of red-sable Pomeranian hair for $ 60 – and […]
Friday, March 16, 2012 // Woot
Can’t spell Neato without N-O Even a Neato XV-12 All Floor Robotic Vacuum can have a hard time living clean. Naturally, I was excited at first. What an honor, right? Manny Southdakota had chosen me to be his full-time cleaning robot. The Manny Southdakota, famed for his lavish fortune and his love of gadgets! Now, […]
Tuesday, March 6, 2012 // Woot
Dander You Do, Dander You Don’t These Dyson vacuums have really cheapened the hobby of pet-hair collecting. These kids today have no idea what it used to take to build a really good collection. I once drove 400 miles to a convention to buy a wisp of red-sable Pomeranian hair for $ 60 – and […]
Wednesday, February 22, 2012 // Woot
If all goes according to plan The Neato XV-12 is an intelligent, efficient machine. That’s important to know when planning a heist. Here are the facts as we have them: 1. Millionaire Marco Vidalli is notoriously clumsy. 2. Having come by his fortune through less-than-legal means, he fears having his actions recorded, and so has […]
