Wednesday, December 26, 2012 // Woot
Yeah, that’s right. One of you is getting a venomous snake instead of a shirt. Who’s it gonna be? We’re not telling. Is it a DEADLY snake? We’re not tellin’. We’ll leave it to the victim to post the results in the forums. So enjoy pressin’ that order button, suckers. You might just be signing […]
Wednesday, December 26, 2012 // Woot
Normally a fizzy liquid in your goblet means you’re the designated driver (and we support that fully, for the record, so keep that practice up!) But wouldn’t it be nice to enjoy that fizz AND some wine? Go on, think it over. We’re not going anywhere. Take your time. Oh, great, you’re back! And clearly, […]
Wednesday, December 26, 2012 // Woot
Vacthropologists have recently unearthed remains of a previously-unknown species of vacuum, dubbed Vacuus Erectus, that they say may be the missing link between primitive canister vacuums and modern machines such as the Dyson DC41 Upright Ball Vacuum. “These primitive vacuums would have benefited from being able to see above the grass to spot predators and […]
Tuesday, December 25, 2012 // Woot
What’s runnin’ yo phone while yo runnin’ yo mouth? Yo battery tha’s what! But yo battery can only run yo phone so far ‘fore it start runnin’ outta power and then yo runnin’ yo mouth to no one and then you all like, “you hurd what I said?” and it’s all like ____________ (that’s the […]
Tuesday, December 25, 2012 // Woot
Use this: as an exciting cane alternative. Don’t use this: to mix cocktails. Unless you drink your cocktails by the barrel. Left to its own devices, this would: drive pinatas into extinction. Rejected names for this product include: Swingswang, Can’t Argue With The Aluminum-bers, See Soft Spot Swing, Ball FAR!, Bat-tle Tested, Home Runner Up, […]
Tuesday, December 25, 2012 // Woot
Lesley sighed heavily as she pulled the Snap ‘N Stack Ribbon Dispenser toward her. But it wasn’t a sigh of exhaustion or frustration. It was a sigh of absolute content and, for now, peace. She had one last-minute gift to wrap for Brant before he woke up. She reached into the accessory tray and grabbed […]
Tuesday, December 25, 2012 // Woot
“Well, the woods are sort of relative,” Tim said as he looked out the window. Michelle drank her coffee and rolled her eyes. “I can’t believe you told our daughter she could spend Christmas in a sleeping bag in the backyard, ‘just in case’ Bigfoot happens to wander past.” “She had to learn sometime, honey! […]
Tuesday, December 25, 2012 // Woot
You might be saying “How can a BPA-free water bottle be a good Christmas gift?” To which we reply, “Kid, you ain’t never been Santa, have you?” Let’s recap what this guy does in a night. Number one: he flies all over the world in about twelve hours. That’s pretty rough by itself. If you […]
Tuesday, December 25, 2012 // Woot
So we keep our books pretty straight here at Woot. Dot every i, cross every t — all that. But it turns out that, when projecting our annual revenue, we forgot that nobody buys anything on Christmas day. Whoops. So all the fancy new office space, monkey-slinging catapults, and mutant-creating acids that we bought on […]
Tuesday, December 25, 2012 // Woot
Well, hello there! You must be the second ghost! Nice to meet you, I’m Ebeneezer. Yes, I know, you thought I’d be some angry jerk, but you know what? A man doesn’t get far in business being an angry jerk. And, as you know, I’m a very very very rich man. Care for a glass […]
