Thursday, April 18, 2013 // Woot
That’s right. I’d go several days at a time without food, a bath, or even sleeping on a proper bed. And you know what, kids? I would’ve stayed out there too! But your mom insisted I come inside. I don’t know why. I had everything I needed. Sure, there were some days when I’d only […]
Thursday, April 18, 2013 // Woot
Be honest with us: Do you pay attention to anything we say about computers we sell, or do you just immediately Google the model and look for reviews? You won’t hurt our feelings either way, and we’ll keep writing these dumb product descriptions, but we’re just sort of curious. For instance, we claim that you […]
Thursday, April 18, 2013 // Woot
The Fourth Law: When a human has been standing all day, give that human a nice foot rub, unless this action would conflict with the First, Second, or Third law. The Fifth Law: Don’t interpret the laws in a counter-intuitive way such that their original meaning is perverted, OK? Don’t be a jerk robot. The […]
Thursday, April 18, 2013 // Woot
When you open a bag of 1000 Faces coffee, suddenly 1,000 expectant faces will appear at your front door. Their eyes will light up at the aromas of dark berry flavors with a vanilla-cream body. The corners of their lips will curl up with the mere mention of wild cherry and ginger snaps. Then when […]
Thursday, April 18, 2013 // Woot
Darren sat outside Lloyd’s office. He felt tired, but excited. He’d worked at the organic sheet factory as a thread counter for going on seven years now. All the moments, all the days, they’d all blurred together, except this one. This one stood out, rigid and distinct. “Darren, you wanted to see me?” said Lloyd, […]
Wednesday, April 17, 2013 // Woot
Use these: because all the good birds are always far away. Don’t use these: backwards to see into your own eyeballs. They don’t work that way. If these were a character in a sitcom, their catchphrase would be: “Are YOU lookin’ at me?!” Left to their own devices, these: would zoom in on 1,000 thread […]
Wednesday, April 17, 2013 // Woot
“Hey, pal. You got a light?” “Sure, man. Cold tonight, huh?” “Sure is. Say, you wouldn’t know what’s under those leaves, would you?” “Those leaves? Yeah, of course. That’s where we keep all the smuggled… wait, you’re in the gang, right?” “The gang? Sure, I’m in a gang. A gang… of COPS!” “Cops? Then you […]
Wednesday, April 17, 2013 // Woot
Use this: to watch television in beautiful HD on your computer… we think. Don’t use this: to make waffles. We’re not exactly sure what it does, but we know it doesn’t make waffles. If you traveled to the past, people would think this was a: strange hat, maybe? So, they’d really only be one step […]
Wednesday, April 17, 2013 // Woot
Use these: because it’s good to have colorful running shoes. That way if you’re getting tired, you can look down, the colors can stimulate your brain, and you can get a second wind. That’s how running works, right? Don’t use these: if you prefer Jello soles. Some skeptics wonder: if, by keeping our feet from […]
Wednesday, April 17, 2013 // Woot
Hey, it’s a great feeling to get that dangerous rush of joy when you meet someone new, but what’s REAL love? Real love is knowing that nobody’s going to burn you when you look away. Speaking of which, check out these LED candles. Maybe they don’t have the flame (they’re flameless) but they certainly have […]
