Friday, November 16, 2012 // Woot
“Okay, coach, we got some new prospects here. This kid, Espressione Supremma Espresso, he’s the hottest player I’ve ever seen!” “Because he can knock it out of the park?” “No! Because his temperature control heats the 1/8 liter removable water tank to create hot coffee drinks!” HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA “Okay, wise guy! What about his pitching skills? […]
Friday, November 16, 2012 // Woot
Ernie knocked on the door to 3B. The woman who answered the door last time had said that she was in the market for a Dyson, and to come back next time he had one. He was sure she was going to love this DC25 with its 220 airways of constant suction power and the […]
Friday, November 16, 2012 // Woot
Getting Ella to go to bed was usually quite a challenge. But all this week, she had scarfed down her dinner, excused herself from the table and announced that she was “tired” and was “turning in for the night.” Michelle and Tim thought it was strange that she wanted to go to bed before 7:00. […]
Friday, November 16, 2012 // Woot
This Philips Wireless HD Net Connect is great for wirelessly connecting your computer to your HDTV, but we know the real reason you’re getting it: Your obsession with boxes. We’re not saying there’s anything wrong with a box fetish, but it’s just pretty obvious what’s going on here. You could have connected your computer to […]
Friday, November 16, 2012 // Woot
There are so many potential vices in the world over which one must exert self control: Drinking, food, gambling, etc. These are all fine in moderation, but shouldn’t be over-indulged in lest they become deleterious to health and happiness. But can’t coffee just be something we drink as much as we want, with no underlying […]
Friday, November 16, 2012 // Woot
If you’re a David Bowie fan, you can listen to every one of his albums. If you’re a Kanye West fan, you can own every CD he’s ever produced. But to be a wine fan means you always have to wonder. What did I miss? What vintage have I never tried? And then you feel […]
Friday, November 16, 2012 // Woot
I don’t understand how you misinterpreted my request this badly. I said I wanted “Pachelbel’s Canon” at the wedding, obviously meaning that I wanted to hire Gil Pachelbel, the top wedding photographer in Racine, to bring his Canon EOS Rebel T3 Digital SLR and photograph our wedding. Who’s even heard of this dumb song? I […]
Thursday, November 15, 2012 // Woot
“General, we are conducting this hearing to investigate the accusations of your infidelity and whether or not it compromised your position.” “I understand.” “Now according to records, you were sharing your Asus 15.6″ Dual-Core i3 Laptop with your biographer. Is that so?” “Yes.” “And this was the same Asus laptop on which you had top […]
Thursday, November 15, 2012 // Woot
“40-15. Set point. Hup – ngh.” “Guh.” “OOooof.” “Nghigh.” “Bleh.” “Gnnngngngngngngng.” “Poof.” “Chivalry!” “Guhhhhnk.” “Probity!” “FFfffffffffFFFFFffffffFFFFFFfff.” “Arby’s!” “Shushushushushushushushu.” “Inkling!” “Mehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhgggggggggggg!” “Alfalfa!” “Good shot! That’s game, and set. Have you been practicing or something?” “No, but I got this new HEAD racquet, and I think it added a little more power to my shot.” “Really? You […]
Thursday, November 15, 2012 // Woot
Eight in the morning on her day off, and there was already a knock at her door. Danielle figured she shouldn’t have expected anything else, not after the week she’d been having. For a brief, quiet, happy moment, she wondered if she could just put a pillow over her head and go back to sleep. […]
