Sunday, April 7, 2013 // Woot
Supplement Facts Serving Size 1 scoop (21.5g) Serving per Container 30 Calories 10 Total Carbohydrate 2g ~ <1% Daily Value Sugars 0g Calcium 190mg ~ 19% Daily Value Phosphorus 380mg ~ 38% Daily Value Magnesium 80mg ~ 20% Daily Value Sodium 400mg ~ 17% Daily Value Potassium 180mg ~ 5% Daily Value CellMass NT Proprietary […]
Sunday, April 7, 2013 // Woot
It was the perfect crime. Find my way in with no one in sight, grab the goods, and make my way out undetected. But there was one factor I hadn’t accounted for: the king size 14″ Memory Foam Convection-Cooled Mattress in the middle of the room. Partially, it was my fault. I needed a break. […]
Sunday, April 7, 2013 // Woot
Let’s see here, “Happy Trails Rocking Animals” it says. Must be some new kind of video game. Wonder if I can get the high score on my very first try? Okay so… looks like there are five different characters. Hmm. I guess I’ll be… Henry Horse? Connie Cow? Patricia Pony? I guess I’ll be the […]
Sunday, April 7, 2013 // Woot
ThinkPad. Sounds like just a fun name, right? But it’s not. It’s a terrifying truth! You see, the by-product of this laptop is not just heat and light. It’s thoughts. Really, really dumb thoughts. Every time you boot up the Intel Core i5-2520M dual-core processor, the Thinkpad releases 5-10 thoughts like, “Are porcupines really that […]
Sunday, April 7, 2013 // Woot
The year: 1988. The place: Crestwood Mall in suburban St. Louis. The scene: crowded, as Saturday afternoon turns into Saturday night. In the crush of humanity, one bold voice stands out. A 14-year-old nerd skips energetically through the throng cackling about how he’s invisible, annoying the holy hell out of everyone within earshot. “I’m invisible! […]
Sunday, April 7, 2013 // Woot
It’s a tough job, being the one having to give the orders around here. Have you ever tried telling a secret agent what to do? It’s tiring work, even if they do love me. That’s why, when I head home, I pop open a bottle of M by Martellotto. Its balance of ripe fruit and […]
Sunday, April 7, 2013 // Woot
When you buy a Kodak EasyShare, you’re not just getting a camera; you’re getting a reminder that you are a human being! Think about it: what is this Kokak if not another device used to document the human experience, the act of which is itself a part of the human experience. Every time you take […]
Saturday, April 6, 2013 // Woot
Ay! Michelangelo! How ya doin’! No, I ain’t from Jersey, I’m your buddy, Leonardo! Yeah, I’m talking like-a dis because I lost a bet with da Pope! Ah, he’s an okay fella, though. Me and his son go cruisng now and then. And that’s what I was wantin’ to ask you. How do you like […]
Saturday, April 6, 2013 // Woot
Use this: to remind yourself to charge your phone by tying it around your wrist. Don’t use this: to recharge another uNu Enerpak, or all you’re doing is contributing to the heat death of the universe. A real Amazon review of this product states that: “i stumbled upon this brand and particular device via woot.com. […]
Saturday, April 6, 2013 // Woot
Use this: because going for walks outside is, like, what prehistoric people did. Gross! Don’t use this: if you’re going to make silly jokes about the number in the product’s name. WE’RE ALL ADULTS HERE! JEEZ! This just posted on Facebook: “Checked my integrated heart rate monitor and it looks like I’m pumping pure Tiger […]
