Monday, July 23, 2012 // Woot
Greetings, fast food executives. I’m glad you could take the time to gather here at The Good Ol’ Times Farm and Bio-Engineering Improvement Facility. I, Dr. Randolph FitzMatterson, am very excited to unveil our newest breakthrough – Baconly! Yes, the blob sitting before you is actually a living, breathing organism. You see, we took an […]
Monday, July 23, 2012 // Woot
So, Don Syrah… I know you said I shouldn’t bet against the Dubost Syrah Trifecta, but I swear! I never thought that three 750ml wines could pay off like these did! That’s why I’m here, on the day of your daughter’s wedding, to beg you… for a glass. It’s true, you don’t have to do […]
Monday, July 23, 2012 // Woot
Hey, we’re right there with you. Some vinyl snob who only buys acetates and white labels… okay, well, if that’s your thing, more power to you, Cap’n Hi-Fi. But for the novice vinyl enthusiast who just wants to play the new Mayer Hawthorne at a slumber party? Or for the parent looking to digitize those […]
Sunday, July 22, 2012 // Woot
It’s a Sunday morning and you get a call. You’re needed in the office. No one else will be there, and yet, you’ll be expected to uphold to the normal standards of professionalism and quality. No shorts. No sneakers. You’ll have to wear a tie. And no music allowed… unless it’s blastin’ out of an […]
Sunday, July 22, 2012 // Woot
Derrick, we have to talk about this camping trip. I’m just nervous… because well… Oh, that’s it! I can’t take it anymore! Derrick, I’m living a lie! “Karen, calm down…” No, I can’t! You don’t understand, Derrick. You see, I’m not Karen. Or, well, I’m not JUST Karen. I’m also Alice and Teresa. I’m one […]
Sunday, July 22, 2012 // Woot
Brant opened the door and smiled wide at Nestoras, who greeted him back with crossed arms and a sharply v-shaped unibrow. “Hey there, Super. What can I do for you?” “You’ve got a dog in here. Building rules say no pets without a deposit.” “What?” Brant shook his head. “I dunno what you’re talking about, […]
Sunday, July 22, 2012 // Woot
Michelle winced as her sensitive thumb caught the end of the medicine cabinet. She opened it to find an empty box that used to contain 20 Winnie the Pooh Band-Aids of assorted sizes and designs. “That’s strange,” she thought. “This was a brand new box.” She only recalled using one when Jake fell out of […]
Sunday, July 22, 2012 // Woot
Here at Sansui, we’re tapped into Internet culture. And when we created our 19″ 720p LCD TV we knew people would be watching YouTube videos on it, because who watches actual TV anymore? Our engineers went the extra mile to ensure that the TV optimizes web videos, by making it the first cat-video-specific viewing device […]
Sunday, July 22, 2012 // Woot
“Ooooh,” said everybody, “he writes such strong, amazing female characters! How enlightened! He must be a feminist icon!” And the press and the geeks ran with it. And suddenly everyone wanted to know the secret to writing like that. But there’s no real secret. So here’s the tip to writing strong female characters:Write them like […]
Sunday, July 22, 2012 // Woot
First, identify a problem. Any problem will do. Is your shower head leaking? Perhaps your car’s oil needs changing? Maybe your washing machine is on the fritz. If you’re having trouble, don’t be afraid to broaden the definition of “problems.” An unidentifiable rash given to you by an ex-lover or soul-crushing job dissatisfaction will work, too. […]
