Friday, April 5, 2013 // Woot
It should be a mandatory part of the driving experience, just like it is with planes. Before you can get in a car, you’ve simply got to log a few hundred hours of simulator time. But we wouldn’t be cruel about it. No, no, driving an R/C bumper car set would absolutely qualify under our […]
Friday, April 5, 2013 // Woot
Use this: hmm, gosh, what on Earth do you use a TV for? Anybody know? We’re stumped. Don’t use this: to strip paint from antique furniture. Nothing about it is suited to that task. Left to its own devices, this: would leave behind the whole TV thing and find something more meaningful to do with […]
Friday, April 5, 2013 // Woot
All day, I walk around wearing a shirt that is positively covered with positive words and sayings. And people, they see it and they think, “Hey, that Todd is a real positive guy.” But little do they know what lies beneath. That’s right! When I’m alone and in the dark (which is often), the true message […]
Friday, April 5, 2013 // Woot
I’m one of those guys. When I want something, I go after it. And if I happen to find your bubblegum and rose potpourri aroma particularly titillating, I’m gonna let you know. You think Burt Reynolds scored Loni Anderson by twiddling his thumbs? Of course not. Heck! Hugh Hefner didn’t become the world’s foremost playboy […]
Friday, April 5, 2013 // Woot
Last week, while he was taking the trash out, Don paused and seemed to look around as if he felt someone was watching him. Then, while she was working in the garden, Laura just happened to move some potted plants right where they’d obstruct my Zmodo 4-Camera Security System from getting a full view of […]
Thursday, April 4, 2013 // Woot
In ancient Aztec times, the greatest deities were those who would raze civilization. In Roman times, the greatest armies were those who could march upon your city and burn it to the ground. Even today, the most special of Special Forces can level an enemy’s plans and leave nothing but silence to mark their passing. […]
Thursday, April 4, 2013 // Woot
When Vincentto said that he’d stolen the Roslyn Diamond, everyone knew where he hid it: in his ear. The problem was how were you supposed to get in there? People are protective of those things. You can’t just go touching a man’s ears without him starting to wonder, “Is this guy going for my diamond?” […]
Thursday, April 4, 2013 // Woot
Use this: to collect all the Pilates. Gotta stretch ’em all! Don’t use this: to reform the tort system. It’s not that kind of reformer. This product grants its owner: buns of steel, quads of carbon fiber, abs of carbonite, and pituitary glands of raw chicken breast. The experts say: that Pilates strengthen the Earth’s […]
Thursday, April 4, 2013 // Woot
It’s one thing if you’re playing stickball in the road. Everybody knows and understands that a car is the TV time-out of road play, and there’s nothing that can be done. But when you’re playing football in the living room? C’mon, Mom and Dad. Show a little respect for the sport of kings and make […]
Thursday, April 4, 2013 // Woot
YOU may talk o’ lightweight gear When you’re hiking way out ‘ere, An’ your hydration pack, you lost it; But if you’re on the ranger’s blotter, Lost, an’ runnin’ out of water, An’ you’ll lick the Columbia boots of ‘im that’s got it. Now in Arizona’s sunny clime, Where I used to spend my time […]
