Thursday, April 4, 2013 // Woot
It’s so tough being a baby. One minute you’re hanging out in the warm comfort of your mother’s womb, the next minute you’re thrust into the cold, harsh world. And to top it all off, you have to stay inside and practice your tummy time while all your little monkey friends get to go outside […]
Thursday, April 4, 2013 // Woot
We’ve all done it. We’ve gathered our belongings, thrown them in a bindle, and set out for the real world. Only to return later that night. But now we get it. We were doing it all wrong! Assembling a bag on the end of a stick is no practical way to pack for starting a […]
Thursday, April 4, 2013 // Woot
CLS 10 PRINT “Welcome to my guessing game! I bet you can’t guess the number I’m thinking of! It’s between 1 and 10!” 20 RANDOMIZE TIMER x% = (RND * 10) + 1 30 INPUT “What is your guess >”, guess% IF guess@ > x% THEN GOTO 40 IF guess@ < x% THEN GOTO 50 […]
Thursday, April 4, 2013 // Woot
In the snack time justice system, over-produced factory candies are considered particularly heinous. The Brandini treats who avoid this state are considered elitely delicious. These are their stories. “Hey, bartender. You got a minute?” Ha ha, sure! Anything for you! Want something illegal done for free? “Probably I should show you this badge first.” Whoa! […]
Thursday, April 4, 2013 // Woot
Games never accurately simulate the real-life situations they depict. The fate of the world does not hinge on who can send the most cannons into Yakutsk. Hippos have never been known to eat marbles, no matter how hungry. And not even the most powerful real-estate baron can buy an entire street, especially for sixty dollars. […]
Wednesday, April 3, 2013 // Woot
So please, be honest with yourself. You know in your heart if you need a gas generator. Like you, the gentleman who never goes more than ten feet from his thirtieth-story apartment in Midtown Manhattan? Not only do you not need a gas generator, you might even get evicted for trying to haul one across […]
Wednesday, April 3, 2013 // Woot
You know how getting together with those so-called “friends” of yours consists of you listening to them talk about nothing for hours at a time? Well, you can continue listening to their monotonous stories, or you can take the much more rewarding route by drowning them out with the sweet sounds and images coming from […]
Wednesday, April 3, 2013 // Woot
Use this: IFYOU’REFEELINGLIKEYOUCOULDUSEAPICKMEUP. STACKEREXTREME! Don’t use this: IFYOU’VEALREADYHADTHREEOFTHEM. TRUSTME.STACKEREXTREME! If this is buried in a field, what grows in its place is: ATREE. NOTASHAKYTREE. JUSTASTEADYTREEWITHALOTOFENERGY. STACKEREXTREME! In 99.9% of uses, this doesn’t: NOTGETYOUAMPEDWAYUP. ISTHATADOUBLENEGATIVE? WHOCARES! STACKEREXTREME! The experts say: CALMDOWN! WELLGUESSWHATEXPERTS? IAIN’TGONNA! STACKEREXTREME! Supplement Facts Serving Size 2 fl. oz. Calories 0 Calories from Fat […]
Wednesday, April 3, 2013 // Woot
You almost certainly know the tune behind “Shave And A Haircut” but did you know that, in some places, it means a horrible phrase about someone’s mother? That’s right, and you probably don’t want to have to start explaining to the Mexican gang member that your clever secret knock was in no way a comment […]
Wednesday, April 3, 2013 // Woot
It was on the eve of his receiving the company’s lifetime achievement award that somebody finally asked Rick the question, “How did you become so good at building replica souvenirs?” The countless hours, the days and nights spent in the Stonehenge Souvenir Company offices designing and perfecting hundreds of thousands of Stonehenge models was something […]
