Wednesday, February 22, 2012 // Woot
If all goes according to plan The Neato XV-12 is an intelligent, efficient machine. That’s important to know when planning a heist. Here are the facts as we have them: 1. Millionaire Marco Vidalli is notoriously clumsy. 2. Having come by his fortune through less-than-legal means, he fears having his actions recorded, and so has […]
Wednesday, February 22, 2012 // Woot
The Dirty Three Dozen They also serve who only read their lines. Atten-HUT! Listen up, you squishy globs of mule diarrhea! You’ve been asked here today to perform your sacred duty for your country, and I’d sooner give Ho Chi Minh a lap dance than let you pimple-butted pinworms fumble this mission on my watch! […]
Wednesday, February 22, 2012 // Woot
Okay, just relax. If it makes you feel any better, this is MY first boudoir photography shoot, too. Okay, just bend your arm. “Like this?” Mmm hmm. And then arch your back… “This good?” Yeah. Perfect. Now give me a winsome look. “Winsome?” Yeah. Attractive. Subtle. Sexy, even. “How ‘bout this?” Perfect. Wow, oh this […]
Wednesday, February 22, 2012 // Woot
Love Projection I’ll never forget the moment we laid eyes on each other, LeAnne. Probably because I’m projecting it, on a repeating loop, onto my wall. When I close my eyes I can see you in that crowded coffee shop on that fateful morning. But I don’t really need to close my eyes, because there’s […]
Wednesday, February 22, 2012 // Woot
Might As Well Be Thermometering On The Sun A solar thermometer? Why would I care what temperature it is on the sun? If you ask me, Oregon Scientific is making a lot of promises this thermometer can’t keep. What good is the temperature readout and clock going to do when the whole unit will be […]
Wednesday, February 22, 2012 // Woot
my Razer Imperator Gaming Mouse commercial Open on shot of nerdy CGI mouse walking home from school. Should look like Stewart Little but not enough to cause legal issues. Again. Mouse takes a shortcut through an alley, where thugs are playing dice. Instead of money, they’re betting weapons of mass destruction (ups the stakes!). Thugs […]
Wednesday, February 22, 2012 // Woot
The good old days Hey wanna play my new dancing game for Wii? It’s called Middle School Prom! I mean, all those fast paced games like Dance Dance Revolution aren’t for me. Yeah, the Wii Wired Dance Mat can keep up, but I sure can’t! Middle School Prom is just a bit more my-speed, you […]
Wednesday, February 22, 2012 // Woot
Huh. I never knew. I guess it makes sense, when you think about it. Honey, did you know that Blu-ray gets its name from the laser used to extract data being blue? “The simplest answer,” right? I didn’t even know you could have blue lasers! Pretty neat! Internet? No, I just took apart our refurbished […]
Tuesday, February 21, 2012 // Woot
L.H.O.O.Q. It’s times like these you have to ask “What would Marcel Duchamp do?” When presented with a mundane object like a toilet or the Mona Lisa, artist Marcel Duchamp had a tendency to make it his own. Then, of course, he gave up art and just played chess until he died. That’s the sort […]
Tuesday, February 21, 2012 // Woot
Vowels: they’re just so tricky! For sale: Flashcam. Still in box. I’m selling my MII Flashcam Tactical Flashlight. Purchased new online and still in all packaging. Nothing’s wrong with it as far as I know. I just misread the name when I bought it – coulda sworn that first a was an e – and […]
