Thursday, March 7, 2013 // Woot
If you ate eleven pieces of candy, you’d probably think of yourself as a little piggy, right? But if you ate eleven pieces of pizza, you might not be able to stand up. And it’s just the same with cookware. That’s why you should never, ever, ever try to eat this Cuisinart 11-Piece Cookware Set. […]
Thursday, March 7, 2013 // Woot
You, with the quivering lip. You in or out? I’ve got nine other Little Guppies waiting for their turns off the diving board. Oh don’t get your little ruffled trim in a bunch. It’s called tough love, kid. It’s not all princesses and bow accents out there in the real world. It’s hiding face down […]
Thursday, March 7, 2013 // Woot
You guys just don’t understand how much pressure I’m under. You tell one good joke at the office party, and all of a sudden you’re the funny guy. Everyone’s all, “Oh, you need a snappy comeback? Ask Chad.” Or “Want to add some witty banter to that presentation? Chad’s your man.” But no, I’m not. […]
Thursday, March 7, 2013 // Woot
So you’re thinking about getting a nemesis. That’s great! Nemeses can be valuable, life-long companions. But they’re not for everyone — they require a lot of commitment and attention. So before running out and picking a nemesis, make sure you’re ready. First, don’t get a nemesis who is the world’s greatest at whatever you are […]
Thursday, March 7, 2013 // Woot
“Guys, I’m thinking of starting a band. You want in?” What’s it called? “That’s the best part. You ready for it … Electric Houdini.” Dude. No. “What? It’s an awesome name!” Yeah. An awesome name for a corkscrew with a built-in foil cutter on top. “C’mon! There have definitely been weirder band names.” Do you […]
Thursday, March 7, 2013 // Woot
It happens every year. Some little liberal-arts school launches a halfcourt buzzer-beater to knock one of the titans out, and you just lose control. Of your movements. Of your emotions. Of your bowels. Of everything. The next thing you know, you’re coming to in a mess of smashed home theater components, crushed pretzels, and splattered […]
Wednesday, March 6, 2013 // Woot
Use this: for a full on-the-go computing experience, from ignoring your emails to doctoring your expense reports. Don’t use this: by trying to fold it into a truck or something. Wrong Transformer. The experts say: “Android 4.0 Ice Cream Sandwich is the most robust, full-featured, stable, creamy, chocolatey, sinfully decadent… let’s talk later, I’m hungry.” […]
Wednesday, March 6, 2013 // Woot
Use this: if you wanna keep your coffee warm while looking cool. Don’t use this: in a rural area. WHAT ABOUT “METRO” DON’T YOU UNDERSTAND?! If this were a character in a sitcom, its catchphrase would be: “Ay, Mrs. Standler, you’re sending me mixed SIGGnals!” At a karaoke bar, this product sings: “Run-Around” by Blues […]
Wednesday, March 6, 2013 // Woot
“Kathy, look over there?” “Oooo, girl! That 3-Piece Cutlery Set has its eye on you!” Whatever. I’m a spatula that gets straight A’s. I’m not going to fall for a little bit of flash. And anyway, I’m late for my horseback riding lesson at the Country Club. “Oooo, girl! He’s got a motorcycle!” “And he’s […]
Wednesday, March 6, 2013 // Woot
Dude. I don’t know how she does it. The baby, I mean. I get antsy if I’m stuck in traffic for longer than half an hour. She’s been stuck in that 5-in-1 Sleep System since the day she was born. Literally. Sure. She looks all happy and content all snuggled up in the bedside sleeper, […]
