Friday, March 8, 2013 // Woot
Use this: to trap that pesky A/V cable that’s been rustling around your attic, keeping you up at night. Don’t use this: as the receiver on your football team. In 99.9% of uses, this doesn’t: add a 4th, 5th, and 6th dimension to your favorite 3d movies. The SNL episode hosted by this product features […]
Friday, March 8, 2013 // Woot
Use this: to keep your feet warm and dry. Listen, if you need to us to tell you this, maybe you’re not ready to go hunting just yet. Don’t use this: to play soccer in. Unless you’re, like, Lionel Messi and you’re playing a high school team. Then it would probably only be fair. If […]
Friday, March 8, 2013 // Woot
“I’m going to have a glass of wine. You want one?” SARAH … NOOOOOOOOOO!!! “Did you … did you just run in here, leap over the couch and slap that glass of wine out of my hand?” I did. Yes. You were about to make a terrible mistake. “Artie, for the last time, I don’t […]
Friday, March 8, 2013 // Woot
What kind of message does that send to our children? I mean, free pedals? Pedals they didn’t even earn? No way, no how. That’s why my kids get a nice, sane, logical Wooden Balance Bike. Put your kid on this and they’ll learn the important skills they’ll one day need to ride a real bike- […]
Friday, March 8, 2013 // Woot
Raoul gazed at his reflection in the mirror. To any outsider, it was pure perfection. Long, flowing raven-haired perfection. The stuff that romance novel covers are made of. But to Raoul, it was a constant reminder of failure. A failed romance novel cover modeling career, ironically. And also loneliness. People were usually too intimidated by […]
Friday, March 8, 2013 // Woot
Guys, if this shirt sells really well, we’ll release another one for each decade. Here’s what’s we’ve got so far: What I Learned In The ’90s: If your life insurance pays out in your 20s, your beneficiary will be rich. They’ll never think to check that the bones are actually mine, especially if someone sees […]
Friday, March 8, 2013 // Woot
Grape juice. Grape skins. One would think that when they meet, the two of them would just be bored. After all, one knows they spend so much of their life together, right? And yet, when the folks of Rutherford Hill let them meet, the brief collision produces a pretty red color that catches one’s eye […]
Friday, March 8, 2013 // Woot
“You don’t say? That’s nice to hear these days. So what are we doing for you today? Trim the front and leave it nice and long in back? Or maybe a cute little mohawk?” “No! Just, you know, trim it a little all over, or whatever. Start with the one-inch attachment and make it look […]
Thursday, March 7, 2013 // Woot
As far as she knows, it’s still the same general time period as it was when she had her bobsled accident. Over time, we can slowly introduce her to all the appurtenances of 21st-century life. But first, it’s absolutely essential that she not suffer any sudden, unexpected disorientation. So I’m going to have to ask […]
Thursday, March 7, 2013 // Woot
Use this: because you want to build muscle mass and increase energy the way the U.S. military does, minus the profanity-screaming drill sergeant. Don’t use this: if you enjoy aches and pains after your workouts and want to prolong them. Weirdo. Benjamin Franklin said of this: “One dose of Creatine in time saves nine.” If […]
