Friday, February 8, 2013 // Woot
Use this: because your other tablet is so old that it might as well be made of stone. OOOOHHHHHH BURN! Thank you, thank you! I’ll be here at the Yuck Yuck factory all week, ladies and gentleman! Don’t use this: if you’re very easily excitable. This product grants its owner: the power to turn the […]
Friday, February 8, 2013 // Woot
“Okay, baby,” Tim said to his sweet little daughter as she clapped. “Once more around the block in your Kiddy Cruiser Fix Pro Car Seat, then, just so you can hear it again.” And that, although neither of the two had any way of knowing it, would be the day that Ella made her first, […]
Friday, February 8, 2013 // Woot
Use this: when events are getting tense and escalating and you need to quickly… uh, open a box or something. Don’t use this: as a flotation device. It doesn’t float. If you traveled to the past, people would think this was a: really cool knife. People in the past weren’t total idiots, you know. The […]
Friday, February 8, 2013 // Woot
And so, Goldilocks slipped into the house where the bears lived, and instantly turned up her nose. For there, all over the house, was a little pile, a medium sized pile, and a great big pile! And the house was a disorganized mess! So Goldilocks took out the Core Bamboo 16pc Drawer Organizer and began […]
Friday, February 8, 2013 // Woot
Munchkin? No, no, no. I prefer to think of myself as optimizing my drinking experience to ensure a beneficial state. Hey, and don’t take that bottle over there, I need that bottle. Once I have that bottle, I only need three others to have a full pack. Okay, let’s go over the stats here. My […]
Friday, February 8, 2013 // Woot
A string walks into a bar despite the prominent sign on the door reading NO STRINGS ALLOWED. Before he can even order a drink, the bartender says “We don’t serve strings in here! Get lost!” So the string goes outside, ties himself into a knot, unravels and musses himself at both ends, and walks back […]
Friday, February 8, 2013 // Woot
“The Raven” By Tennessee Williams ACT I (At the rise of the curtain a young man sits in an green leather chair of solid but not outre manufacture. Outside night has fallen — the type of night typical in its atypicality. The young man, whose forehead shows the first signs of care and age, sighs […]
Friday, February 8, 2013 // Woot
Tyler Florence and Rob Mondavi? Oh, you better believe they’ve been to the edge. Rob’s a fourth-generation winemaker, which means he made his wine mistakes as a strapping young lad running wild through the Napa Valley fields. And Tyler Florence was a chef! Right? Everybody knows what THEY do! So between the two of them, […]
Friday, February 8, 2013 // Woot
It’s the classic excuse: “I’d love to be naked all the time, but it’s just so drafty in the winter.” Or “I do a lot of work out in the garage, and it gets too cold out there to go nude.” Well, guess what, lukewarm nudists? LifeSmart just called your bluff. The Infrared Heater can […]
Thursday, February 7, 2013 // Woot
Use this: for its intended purpose. Please. Don’t use this: in any way contrary to its written instructions. Really. This product grants its owner: responsibility. If this was a character in a sitcom, its catchphrase would be: “Careful!” If you owned this, people would say: “Is that a real…oh, I see the orange tip now.” […]
