Tuesday, January 15, 2013 // Woot
This Product Grants Its Owner: Piece of mind through constant surveillance. If This is Buried in a Field, What Grows in its Place: A securitree Rejected Names for this Product Include: The Allseer, Stalky, Sauron The One Feature We Wish This Thing Had: Sentry turret. Duh. Don’t Use This: to set up an elaborate camera […]
Monday, January 14, 2013 // Woot
Use this: when you need the functionality of a laptop but the tabletiness of a tablet. Don’t use this: unless you are experienced in explaining things to confused people at Starbucks. Lost in the wilderness with only this product, you could survive by: attracting bears with your own hacked version of Fruit Ninja with only […]
Monday, January 14, 2013 // Woot
I’ll be honest: I never really thought I’d have a career in competitive cycling. I figured being overweight, not particularly interested in bicycling, and not owning a bike since I was 12 pretty much disqualified me. But it turns out there’s a burgeoning market for people who are not hopped up on steroids and bovine […]
Monday, January 14, 2013 // Woot
“How did you have your checkbook?” Phil passed Danielle the first of the four 3″ x 9″ Rectangular Containers for the kitchen drawers. “They always say to bring a checkbook. And my dad put a little extra in my account since he knew we were hunting.” Danielle put the 6″ x 12″ Rectangular container in […]
Monday, January 14, 2013 // Woot
8:32 PM, TODAY: Olivia mutters under her breath while changing Ella’s Stage 5 diaper. 8:32 PM, SEVERAL YEARS AGO: Olivia says “Wow, Mom! Those Seventh Generation Newborn Diapers sure are amazing, aren’t they?” Michelle answers “You think so? Tell you what, why don’t YOU change the baby this time?” 8:32 PM, A FEW YEARS AGO: […]
Monday, January 14, 2013 // Woot
You think Thanksgiving and Christmas are the only times people roast beasts? Come on, man! You’ve got to get with the times! You can roast up a giant bird or chunk of a medium-sized mammal any day of the week! And now with this Ginsu 2-Piece Stainless Carving Set you won’t have to try and […]
Monday, January 14, 2013 // Woot
Dear Shirt.Woot, When I purchased this shirt, it was with the understanding that it would, over the course of a week, evolve into a long sleeve tee, then a sweatshirt, then a sweater, then a cardigan sweater, then a convertible, then a princess. It has not. No matter how much I water it and give […]
Monday, January 14, 2013 // Woot
Jacobs heard the scratching at his door, not for the first time. The mummy was back. He had only himself to blame, really. How long had it been now? Six weeks since his trip to Egypt? Six weeks since he stumbled across the tomb of Amon Ephat Grapus? Since he found the Forbidden Case of […]
Monday, January 14, 2013 // Woot
“Man! Why do whole room evaporative humidifiers get to have all the fun?” I’m sorry … was that a serious question? “Hells yeah! How cool would it be to be able to pull in large volumes of harsh, dry air and then POOF! Humidified air.” Well, it doesn’t really happen just like that. The Vornado […]
Sunday, January 13, 2013 // Woot
Use this: to make your iPhone 4 or 4s look more muscular. Don’t use this: if your iPhone 4 or 4s doesn’t want no friggin’ help from nobody, y’hear! In 99.9% of uses, this doesn’t: call people in your contacts and ask them, in a hushed tone, “Do you want to feel more powerful?” Some […]
