Sunday, January 6, 2013 // Woot
Yeah, I flash. So what? I like doing it, it’s not hurting anybody, and at the end of the day I like to think I’m making the world a better place. You don’t have to like it; that’s fine if you don’t. I just get a little swell of pride when I’m flashing; I take […]
Sunday, January 6, 2013 // Woot
Chastity lay across her pink and ruffly bed and tapped the piece of notebook paper. “I don’t care if my mother DID lock me in my room!” she said with an air of defiance. “I’m going to help Greasy Joe name his new band no matter what!” BAND NAME IDEAS 1. Kyocera’s Red Smile (Advantage: […]
Sunday, January 6, 2013 // Woot
In the dark, Jake shined the Nerf Vortex Nitron across the room. The electronic scope drew a circle on the wall as he prepared the Nerf discs. Soon, he’d prove that light switches could be turned on in a different way. The pulsing lights of his Vortex Nitron reflected in the dark. Jake launched a […]
Sunday, January 6, 2013 // Woot
When you think golf comedy, you think of four different things. One is rich white guys in terribly loud pants, two is a variety of knit club covers, three is someone’s drunk grandfather driving a cart into a water hazard, and four is some young Chevy Chase style hero dodging a barrage of golf balls […]
Sunday, January 6, 2013 // Woot
“Hey Phil. Pour me one, would you?” “Hey Bobby. Usual?” “You know it. Man, what a week.” “Sure seems like it. Fourth night in a row you’ve been in here. Everything okay?” “I think I’m depressed, man. I can’t get a job, I sleep upwards of 10 hours a day, and I can’t seem to […]
Sunday, January 6, 2013 // Woot
Rhode Island Smith, hard livin’ archaeologist adventurer, was in quite the pickle. Deep in the bowels of the ancient temple of excommunicated Greek philosopher priest Winocrates, Rhode Island had found what he was looking for: the legendary 2008 Alta Zinfandel. But in finding it, too, he’d run across the nefarious Commandant Obstacles, the most obstreperous […]
Sunday, January 6, 2013 // Woot
I just wanted to cut some red pepper. It seemed simple enough. All I needed to do is get my Core Bamboo cutting board out, grab a knife, and go to work. So, that’s what I did. I started slicing, all the while staring at the board’s surface, crafted from 100% organically grown bamboo. Then […]
Saturday, January 5, 2013 // Woot
Use this: to play Crysis 3 at maximum settings. Or to play 100 games of Grim Fandango at once. Don’t use this: expecting the liquid cooling to keep your palms from sweating. Lost in the wilderness with only this product, you could survive by: catching opossums in the easy-access chassis. This product grants its owner: […]
Saturday, January 5, 2013 // Woot
Use these: because all those friggin’ butterflies over there aren’t gonna look at themselves! Don’t use these: if you already have telescopic vision. There is such a thing as seeing too far. The only way to make these better would be: if they’d look at you once in a while in the way your wife […]
Saturday, January 5, 2013 // Woot
“WHO IS SHE!” Hinkle yelled at the broccoli. “WHAT’S HER NAME?” MIller clucked his tongue. “Broccoli, my partner, he’s nuts, you know? Look, tell me. Tell me and I’ll get you out of there.” The broccoli had nothing to say. Hinkle growled. “STOP PLAYING AROUND, BROCCOLI! I’LL DO IT! I’LL PUSH THAT INDICATOR ROD […]
