Tuesday, January 1, 2013 // Woot
Use this: to ring in the new year with a product that we’ve never sold before! Don’t use this: as a vase. Because that doesn’t make any sense. It’s a computer. Not a vase. If this is buried in a field, what grows in its place is: a tree, on whose branches will grow thousands […]
Tuesday, January 1, 2013 // Woot
Use this: to sooth your annual New Year’s Day hangover headache. Don’t use this: in your pasta carbonara. It can’t do everything a bag of peas can do. This just posted on Facebook: “U know in that song, when Outkast says, ‘wutz kooler than b-ing kool? Ice kold.’? Sometimes I pretend tha’z about me! :D” […]
Tuesday, January 1, 2013 // Woot
“-and so, while I was looking at your face in the toast, you walked in!” “Pattern recognition!” Rod laughed. “Ain’t it great?” Sylvia shook her head. “Pamela, I’m sorry, honestly. It’s just convinced me that in 2013, I need to spend less time being nervous, and more time talking. Especially to you. Someone I’ve known […]
Tuesday, January 1, 2013 // Woot
“Who’s that on the lawn with Olivia? What are they doing, playing with those Thames & Kosmos sets?” “Tim, stop peeking out of the window! Your daughter’s growing up, and she wants to give her little boyfriend a gift.” Tim glared at his wife. “Boyfriend or friend that is a boy?” Michelle shrugged. Tim crossed […]
Tuesday, January 1, 2013 // Woot
They should tell you when you fall in love that it’s going to end up hurting you worse than anything you’ve ever even imagined. But no, they feed you endless pap about “true love” and “the power of love” and make it out to be some kind of pinnacle of human emotion rather than the […]
Tuesday, January 1, 2013 // Woot
Those of us who bought into the end-of-the world theories had a great month. It turns out we were wrong, but we spent the last few weeks living it up: Driving go-carts, eating troughs of fudge, kissing their middle school crushes, and generally kicking up our heels. That’s right, if the Mayan apocalypse taught us […]
Tuesday, January 1, 2013 // Woot
After the poodle incident, the women of Sacerly Court were banned from the local, regional, state, national, and international level dog shows. Most crushingly, they’d been banned from the prestigious New Year’s Dog Day Afternoon, the biggest show of 2013 except for that froofy one. But that didn’t make them any less competitive. Sure, they […]
Tuesday, January 1, 2013 // Woot
Today, the world recalls many great Russians. Peter the Great, who made Russia a major power. Vladimir Putin, who entertained the Internet by fighting a tiger on the moon with his rock band. Nicolai Dante, the man too cool to kill. And the Russian Diver who swam up to our buyer and said “Hey, how […]
Monday, December 31, 2012 // Woot
You would think a nice little laptop like this Lenovo ThinkPad 15.6″ Core i5 Laptop would sell itself: 4GB DDR3 memory, 320GB Hard Drive, and a 15.6″ LED-backlit HD widescreen display are what the kids like these days, right? It’s a little black pad that thinks. It’s a ThinkPad! But it took a lot of […]
Monday, December 31, 2012 // Woot
“Here, honey, have another croissant.” “Oh thank you, but I’m full.” “Really, I insist. You’re looking so skinny.” “Are you kidding me? Ever since Christmas you’ve been plying me with pastries. I’ve probably gained a few inches in my waist already.” “Yes, and you have many more to go before you reach 300 inches.” “Wait, […]
