Friday, November 2, 2012 // Woot
“Karen, we need to talk.” Can’t it wait? I’m just about to blow dry my hair. “No, it can’t wait. It’s about these text messages I found on your-“ I’M SORRY, HONEY. I CAN’T HEAR YOU OVER MY NEW HEAT SMART TEMP BLOW DRYER. “I know you can hear me, Karen. And I demand an […]
Thursday, November 1, 2012 // Woot
Talk about a solution to a problem I didn’t know I had! This Canon Calculator Mouse lets me do all my calculating right at my desktop computer! Now I don’t have to set my mouse aside while I search for a handheld calculator. I mean obviously I don’t have a calculator program on my computer, […]
Thursday, November 1, 2012 // Woot
Yo, if you be all un-Sqwinched in your everyday life, you got to get Sqwinched with the most outrageous, intense Sqwinching experience this side of the Sqwinchissippi River. I’m talkin’ breakfast Sqwinch, afternoon deSqwinch, and a nice family Sqwincher. [Note: Drink no more than two full bottles of Sqwinch per day.] It’s Sqwinchsanity! Sqwinch comes […]
Thursday, November 1, 2012 // Woot
HONOR: Knock Knock! Are you two decent? OPHELIA: Decent, aye. JULIET: Yet speed we quickly now to our descent. HONOR: I understand. These midterms are murder. JULIET: But, soft, our manners leave us. Honor, please. Juliet gestures Honor into the room. OPHELIA: We have wine and Ritz. JULIET: Both cost two dollars! HONOR: Oh, […]
Thursday, November 1, 2012 // Woot
Are you tired of going to bed alone night after night after night after night? Yes, you are. You are terribly tired of that crushing loneliness, the inevitable weeping, the thought “nobody cares” swirling through your mind until sleep finally comes. Thankfully, you can put this LG 47″ 1080p LED TV with an image of […]
Thursday, November 1, 2012 // Woot
“You have to undo the zipper,” June helpfully told Olivia. Olivia’s first instinct was to glare back daggers at the younger girl, but she managed to swallow the urge. “Oh, I see,” she answered, undoing the zipper and adding an extra foot of sleeping space. “Very helpful. Thank you!” “You’re welcome!” June answered brightly. “Do […]
Thursday, November 1, 2012 // Woot
Bwfrork looked down upon the tear-streaked faces of his wife, Lllarf, and their two children, Wokk and Sally. He knew this might be the last time he saw them, but he put on a brave face. “GLOOP BLARDS UUUUUUUGH,” he said to them. Which loosely translated means, “Don’t be sad, my little ones. Daddy will […]
Thursday, November 1, 2012 // Woot
“Sure does, doc. My kid’s going to pick up his toys when he’s done with them from now on, let me tell you THAT.” “I hear ya. All right, well we’re just going to pull it out, bandage it up, and you should be all set.” “OK, but what about my knees?” “Oh, I thought […]
Thursday, November 1, 2012 // Woot
Chocolate. It wasn’t always for middle aged white ladies to giggle over. Once, it was the property of MAYAN DEATH GODS. Once it was served RICH and STRONG to WARRIORS who then FOUGHT WILD ANIMALS until the LOSER was DEVOURED. That’s the legacy of chocolate, and that’s what you’ll be eating when you eat these […]
Thursday, November 1, 2012 // Woot
“O. M. G. Did you see this new Tumblr about cats in glasses drinking espresso?” “Psh. Last week.” “Mom? Dad? Can we talk?” “One sec. Gotta tweet this.” “Tweet what?” “Oh, I just got it. @Nancy1956 tweeted she’s about to have real talk with her son and her husb.” “Husb? Look, this is getting out […]
