Saturday, September 22, 2012 // Woot
Dear John, I imagine it may take a while for you to find this note. It could be days, weeks, maybe even months before you see it sitting among the empty cases and the label scrapbooks that you hold so dear. I briefly thought of writing this on the side of one of the unopened […]
Saturday, September 22, 2012 // Woot
You know what? You’ve been really frugal this year. You didn’t tip too much when you went out for drinks. You didn’t splurge on some fancy “starving child” in Africa. You’ve been a paragon of fiscal restraint. You deserve to treat yourself with that 32″ VIZIO LCD. Come to think of it, you’ve not only […]
Friday, September 21, 2012 // Woot
Are you a castaway on a desert island? Has it been months or even years since you’ve been a part of civilized society? Is the only thing wilder than your beard your psyche? Well then, do we have the product for you: these Klipsch In-Ear Noise-Isolating Headphones! FINALLY, SOUND AS ISOLATED AS YOU ARE! Now, […]
Friday, September 21, 2012 // Woot
They’re golf balls, okay? It’s a 12-Pack of Refinished Mint Titleist Pro Golf Balls. You can get V1 or V1x. And I needed new balls. Okay, okay, I walked into that one. But I really like these balls- Okay, I get it. Hilarious. Whatever. The point is these balls have a redesigned, thinner casing layer- […]
Friday, September 21, 2012 // Woot
Mike took one last look at his glass-blown ornament creations before wrapping them up in tissue paper and storing them away in the closet. His granddaughter was absolutely going to love their bright, swirly designs. He thought for a moment about her sweet little smile and imagined how she’d excitedly squeal, “Papa!” and hug him […]
Friday, September 21, 2012 // Woot
My potty lies over the ocean My potty lies over the sea My potty lies over the ocean Oh bring back my potty to me Honey, come on, be polite. Lean back Plas-tic Deflector’s blocking the stream From me! Non-slip Padding Offers some sta-bil-i-tyyyy Darling. It’s not polite to sing so loud. Be more grown-up, […]
Friday, September 21, 2012 // Woot
“Slow DOWN, Gary!” “Not a chance!” “Why are you driving like this?! Stop! Let me out!” “I have to get my money’s worth!” “WHAT are you talking about?!” I bought that Travelon 4-in-1 Emergency Tool the other day from that crappy deal-a-day site that’s been sliding into oblivion since they were acquired. I want to […]
Friday, September 21, 2012 // Woot
It’s difficult to justify quitting any job in this economy, but sometimes you get stuck in a stinker. Some people take the ill-advised approach of trying to get on disability, but, as this shirt illustrates, this choice is fraught with potential dangers. No, the clear choice for the discerning layabout is to get laid off […]
Friday, September 21, 2012 // Woot
Okay, okay, everyone gather up. We’re off to a good start but this isn’t… well, it’s bursting, but it’s not bursting vertically, you know? So I’m going to make some small changes to get you bottles in the right order. Pay attention. So, on “three” I want you, 2003 Napa Valley Cabernet Sauvignon, to come […]
Friday, September 21, 2012 // Woot
“Hey Mister, spare some change?” “Sorry.” “Come on.” “What? I don’t have any. And you’re just gonna spend it on booze.” “That’s not true at all. You’re making judgments based on appearance.” “Ah, jeez, fine. Here. That’s all I have.” “That’s it? Mister I’m trying to get enough money to get a refurbished Dyson DC25 […]
