Friday, April 13, 2012 // Woot
I think it’s been an unmitigated success! Mr. Stuedtman? You can wake up now. The operation was a success. “Mmhmm. Mrr. So…groggy. Where am I?” “You’re in the hospital, Mr. Stuedtman, recovering. You had an operation. Remember?” “Mhrmmm, sort of. I feel weird. Different.” “Yes, we successfully removed your sternum and replaced it with a […]
Thursday, April 12, 2012 // Woot
Stan Killjoy, Sick Day Detective There’s a fine line between Personal Time Off and a Sick Day. Me? I’m what you might call the local border patrol. Irritable bowel syndrome. That’s what I’m thinking about as I watch the children ride round and round on the old Mayfield Carousel. No one knows what causes it, […]
Wednesday, April 11, 2012 // Woot
A Tough Spot Slingbox: bringing you TV wherever you want it, whenever you NEED it. Oh boy, Marco, I think we’re in over our heads this time! I mean, we need to get the key out of that bullet-proof lock-box to unlock the door to escape before the room fills with poisonous gas, but we […]
Tuesday, April 10, 2012 // Woot
Who could’ve seen this coming? Oh, cruel irony! Thy name is Lobster Man! What a horrible twist of fate! For so many years I’ve cursed these claws nature so cruelly gave me in place of hands. I’ve endured the torment of classmates, “friends,” and family members alike. They called me names. They recoiled in terror. […]
Monday, April 9, 2012 // Woot
Crop Aggressive, C-R-O-P Aggressive Why, yes, I WOULD say I’m an aggressive cropper. Now shut your idiot face before I slash it with this broken bottle. The esteemed cultural critic Sid Vicious said it best: 99% of everything is, um, crap. Actually, he didn’t say crap, he used a stronger word because he lived his […]
Sunday, April 8, 2012 // Woot
The World Needed a Hero to Clean things up You can always rely on your Neato XV-12 All Floor Robotic Vacuum, even after everything’s fallen apart. Ladies and gentlemen, tomorrow is an important day in our history. At exactly 6am, the sirens will wake us, and we will go to the polls to elect the […]
Saturday, April 7, 2012 // Woot
Happy Birthday, Everything Of Worth April 7, 1969. With a request for comments, the proto-Internet is born. It’s true! Even if you don’t believe us, you can believe Wired Magazine. April 7th is the day the very first “Request For Comments” appeared, and very likely, the day someone first replied with OMG FIRST! So celebrate […]
Friday, April 6, 2012 // Woot
Spend money to find money The Haan Pro Garment Steamer will help you get the facts straight! Why Pernicia Malcott had, in her cabin, nearly one hundred thousand dollars in cash was simple enough: the recent passing of a distant uncle had made her very wealthy, and since it was wealth that had befallen her […]
Thursday, April 5, 2012 // Woot
Dream Job Now be honest. Do you think this makes my lethargy look big? Maybe you didn’t hear me correctly, Paul. This is a clinical sleep study I’m interviewing for, got it? They’re going to give me cash money to sleep in front of them! I can’t just walk in there with some wearable blanket […]
Wednesday, April 4, 2012 // Woot
Life happens in the little spaces. Music can help fill the gaps. A woman walks into an apartment. It could be any apartment anywhere in the world to us, but to her it’s home. The furniture, strange and alien to us, is warm and inviting to her. She runs her finger along the arm of […]
