Thursday, March 22, 2012 // Woot
Thwarted by the janitor Dan, am I live? You got the volume turned up on the Cyber Acoustics 2.0 Speaker System? Alright good! Hello, everyone! I apologize that I am not there in the gymnasium in person, but I’ve decided to Skype this in today to show my commitment to getting better technology in the […]
Thursday, March 22, 2012 // Woot
In Flight Just because you’re flying, doesn’t mean you need to stop flying. All phones must be powered down for takeoff. Smart phones may be used in flight as long as they are set to airplane mode. And now, we’d like to review our policy in regards to the iFly Heli GYRO 3.5CH RC Helicopter. […]
Thursday, March 22, 2012 // Woot
The Dirty Three Dozen They also serve who only read their lines. Atten-HUT! Listen up, you squishy globs of mule diarrhea! You’ve been asked here today to perform your sacred duty for your country, and I’d sooner give Ho Chi Minh a lap dance than let you pimple-butted pinworms fumble this mission on my watch! […]
Thursday, March 22, 2012 // Woot
L.H.O.O.Q. It’s times like these you have to ask “What would Marcel Duchamp do?” When presented with a mundane object like a toilet or the Mona Lisa, artist Marcel Duchamp had a tendency to make it his own. Then, of course, he gave up art and just played chess until he died. That’s the sort […]
Thursday, March 22, 2012 // Woot
Vowels: they’re just so tricky! For sale: Flashcam. Still in box. I’m selling my MII Flashcam Tactical Flashlight. Purchased new online and still in all packaging. Nothing’s wrong with it as far as I know. I just misread the name when I bought it – coulda sworn that first a was an e – and […]
Thursday, March 22, 2012 // Woot
The Perfect Beast If you love the game, prove it. Throw this to someone else. Nobody out of doors Nobody on the streets They’re all back over there Sucking down A.C. Internet, playing Wii The diamond’s overgrown Everyone’s in the house Wastin’ time all alone But I can see you That brown cap blockin’ summer […]
Thursday, March 22, 2012 // Woot
Honest, We Looked It Up Capture the magic of 1978 all over again. Hey, welcome to Vanland! Come on in the shed, yeah, we’re gonna give you the full late Seventies experience! That’s right, it’s the theme park that teaches… with fun! Right, well, what you’re listening to right now is a band called “Deep […]
Thursday, March 22, 2012 // Woot
Journal Update: March 22, 2012 My new receiver has been less productive than hoped in my quest to find alien intelligence. UPDATE: My quest to be the first amateur cosmologist to discover evidence of intelligent life elsewhere in space seems to have stalled. The Denon 5.1 Channel A/V Receiver I purchased has yet to produce […]
Thursday, March 22, 2012 // Woot
Na na na na, NA na na naaaaaa…SCIENCE COPS! Tonight, SCIENCE COPS use TECHNOLOGY to SOLVE the CASE! OPENING CREDITS: a flashy MONTAGE of CITY STREETS, flyovers of SKYSCRAPERS, and gratuitous scenes of SCANTILY CLAD WOMEN. A focus-grouped ‘70S ROCK ANTHEM blares. We see CLOSE-UPS of each star in descending order of fame with their […]
Thursday, March 22, 2012 // Woot
Selling like hot cakes Okay guys, there’s good news and there’s bad news. The bad news is I just got off the radio with base camp, and the weather’s too touchy to send in a chopper, so the rescue crew will be coming on foot. But since the bridge is washed out, it might take […]
