Sunday, April 28, 2013 // Woot
“And so the happy little monster cub lived with his mommy and daddy monsters happily ever after. Okay, pal. Time for bed. Let me tuck your thorax under the covers and get your horns all snuggly against the pillow.” “Dad, I’m scared!” “What’s to be scared of, son? You’re perfectly safe. Mom and I are […]
Sunday, April 28, 2013 // Woot
Use this: to charge your tablets, smartphones, mp3 players, portable game consoles, GPS, iPod, iPad, iPhone, BlackBerry, HTC, and grandparents. Don’t use this: to charge your grandparents. We were just kidding. God, we hope we stopped you in time. Experts say: most portable devices perform up to 40% less effectively when their batteries are dead. […]
Sunday, April 28, 2013 // Woot
Pedantic criticisms you can make if you are both critical of this shirt design and indifferent to looking like an annoying ass to everyone around you: These four characters inhabit two entirely different universes. Light would not shine through their chest emblems. Nor would it shine through the eyes in their masks, and even this […]
Sunday, April 28, 2013 // Woot
Did you see in the news they spotted that man in the woods again, licking the ground? I heard about that. Yeah, they’re calling him “Johnny Floor-Licker.” Did they catch him? I don’t think he’s a danger to the public. He’s just a guy who goes around licking the ground. It’s so weird. Why in […]
Sunday, April 28, 2013 // Woot
Hey guys! Man, what a beautiful day to just chill out and kick it at the beach! Thanks for inviting me! Here, let me lay my towel down and take off my shirt, which is something I’m totally not nervous to do at all! What’s what? Oh, that! It’s my Prospera Electronic Pulse Massager! Yeah, […]
Saturday, April 27, 2013 // Woot
As part of our weekend-long Sexy Arbor Day celebrations, we’d like to take a moment to talk about the namesake of this McCulloch String and Hedge Trimmer Kit, the kilt-wearing “Trimmer” McCulloch, the strongest, mightiest, most loving tree-man to ever walk the Scottish moors. The year was 966, and the hills were still wild and […]
Saturday, April 27, 2013 // Woot
Use this: to hit tennis balls back and forth over a net. Or just forth if you’re alone. Don’t use this: to hit heads of lettuce back and forth over a net. Seriously, that’s a silly idea. Why would you think of doing something like that? At a karaoke bar, this product sings: “Carry On […]
Saturday, April 27, 2013 // Woot
Use this: to view really wide websites, like wide.woot.com. Don’t use this: as an ultra light-weight, portable camping stove. Because it is not that. If you owned this, people would say: “Looks like SOMEBODY’s trying to compensate for something. Possibly multi-tasking capabilities.” The genie living inside this item is named: H.P., The Perfectly Adequate Home […]
Saturday, April 27, 2013 // Woot
Use these: if you’re a mouse looking for a dry house during a rainstorm. No, we know. That’s not their primary function, but c’mon! A mouse in one of these shoes? SO FRIGGIN’ CUTE! Don’t use these: as earmuffs. Yes, they might keep your ears warm and dry but there are better products for that […]
Saturday, April 27, 2013 // Woot
Let’s say you’re lucky enough to buy a skyscraper. And let’s say that, being the frugal type, you decide to save a few grand a year by not hiring a cleaning crew. That’s right, you plan to come in every night and vacuum every single floor. It’s a bold move, and one that could win […]
