Wednesday, October 12, 2011 // Woot
The car’s all packed and loaded! This is going to be the best float trip ever! “Honey, did you remember to pick up some kind of air mattress or something for us to float downriver?” I did one better! I got us this Serta Queen Elevated Pillow Top Air Bed! “What? No, honey, we need […]
Wednesday, October 12, 2011 // Woot
Don’t Let The Fire Die Grilling season may almost be over, but the flames in my heart will never subside. It just doesn’t get any easier, buddy. We do this each and every year, but it still hurts just as bad as the first time we parted ways. There’s nothing we can do, though. We […]
Wednesday, October 12, 2011 // Woot
It’s the first rule of stake-outs, kid. Be prepared to wait. “I’m freakin’ starvin’.” I warned ya, didn’t I? ‘Pack a lunch,’ I said, ‘It could take hours, days, or even weeks,’ I said. But oh no, Mr. Hot Shot Rookie knows it all. ‘I’ll just grab something from a burger joint.’ “Yeah, well there […]
Wednesday, October 12, 2011 // Woot
Scourge of the Seafood For the crime of wanton deliciousness, Captain Shrimpbeard, I sentence you to walk the plank! “No! Please! I’ll go straight, I swear!” ‘Tis far too late to repent! You’ve tormented my taste buds too long! Once you’ve served out your sentence on this 100% natural untreated Western Red Cedar grilling plank, […]
Wednesday, October 12, 2011 // Woot
*Bag of Crap LXVII: Organic, free trade, locally-sourced crap. Now you can buy crap in good conscience. This is a new era, you know. The days of giant, faceless corporations strip-mining the hills for junk are over. We understand that our customers today want healthy, responsible alternatives. Consumer activism means making a difference with your […]
Wednesday, October 12, 2011 // Woot
Oh quit whining. Look, do you want a dentist who’s conventional or a dentist who gets the job done? Just calm down, Jerry. I know it can be tough adjusting to a new dentist, but I assure you I’m completely qualified to- “Get the hell away from me with that thing!” Relax! This is just […]
Wednesday, October 12, 2011 // Woot
For The Rugged Individual Up here on the top of the world, it’s hard to tie the room together. I’ve climbed to the top of every mountain, everywhere in the world. I’ve done it freehand, with ropes, carrying fireworks and strapped to an elephant. And each time, all I think is “Wow, does this mountain […]
Wednesday, October 12, 2011 // Woot
Grill ‘em if you’ve got ‘em A always, B be, C cooking chicken on charcoal If I could, I would grill or smoke every single meal I ever eat. I would have grilled the animal crackers and milk they gave me for snacktime at nursery school. I would smoke a slice of pie. Grilling and […]
Wednesday, October 12, 2011 // Woot
Mankind’s Ultimate Dream Achieved. What IS a camera, really? It’s not a way to make art, no, no, no. It’s a way to save YOU work. Without a camera, you’ve have to describe everything, and remember things correctly, and develop your ability to use language to create a mood and UGH that’s just so much […]
Wednesday, October 12, 2011 // Woot
Sir Edmund HillarMii For the longest time, I wanted to be the first person to play golf on Mount Everest. So imagine how my heart broke the day I learned about Robert Vaughan, the Dallas man who did it back in 2007. I felt the heartbreak of losing, the way only a true champion can […]
