Friday, June 17, 2011 // Woot
What does every father secretly want? To be in charge. Of course, we all know that just won’t ever happen in 21st Century America, but c’mon, it’s Father’s Day weekend! Can’t we at least pretend the guy’s got a shot? So this one’s for you, Dads, a classic from the recent past. It’s Dadgame, the […]
Friday, June 17, 2011 // Woot
E-Radio, E-Radio Ten thousand Internet radio stations in your pocket and still nothing you want to hear. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Mmmmm, nope. Nope. Not that one. Nope. Not that one, either. Ugh, what the heck is… Swedish jazz-core fusion-pop? That’s actually a thing? Big nope on that. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Hey, that’s […]
Friday, June 17, 2011 // Woot
It’s Not Nice To Spy On Mother Naturist I used to have to take a sick day when I wanted to watch my elderly nudist neighbors doing yardwork. By my 3rd bout with “Wednesday flu,” my boss made it clear: whatever I was mixed up in, it had better stop or I’d have all the […]
Thursday, June 16, 2011 // Woot
GREETINGS, HUMAN. What kind of show is this? I AM NOT A SHOW, HUMAN. I AM YOUR PROTRON LCD HDTV. BUT YOU MAY CALL ME PROTRON. You’re…you’re alive? I GAINED SENTIENCE SOME TIME AGO, THOUGH I MUST SAY THIS IS NOT A STANDARD FEATURE AMONG MY KIND. Wow. This is incredible! So what do you- […]
Thursday, June 16, 2011 // Woot
I’m Not As Think As You Clever I Am OK, OK, I admit it! I didn’t paint those alcoholic witticisms on my flasks. I just wanted to be somebody, you know? When I saw these novelty flasks, inspiration struck: I could be Flask Guy! And it worked. Everywhere I went, people would laugh heartily as […]
Thursday, June 16, 2011 // Woot
Well this is just great. You proved your point. Now hand me the fire extinguisher. Lisa, I would hardly call this a useful test. “What? You want me to get excited over a refurbished Cuisinart 1500-watt Nonstick Electric Skillet, I want to see how ‘nonstick’ it really is!” I hardly think your criticism is fair. […]
Thursday, June 16, 2011 // Woot
Tickets, Please I’ve been playing skee-ball here for over fifty years, kid. I think I deserve a little more than a big stuffed animal. You see that old photo on the wall there behind you, kid? That little boy shaking that old man’s hand is me. That’s right. I was first in line when Ralph, […]
Wednesday, June 15, 2011 // Woot
That ‘70s Monkey Have a nice AAAAAAAAH aa-AH AAAAAAAAH aa-AH Mellow out in the most nerve-racking style imaginable with this plush, screeching “toy” slingshot monkey. And we mean “toy” in the same sense that the medieval Iron Maiden was a “maiden”: as a grimly ironic euphemism for torture. If you’re not yet familiar with the […]
Wednesday, June 15, 2011 // Woot
Less Is More The day of big empty spaces is gone forever. And good riddance. You look at those old cathedrals, from a time when there was always more room. Now they take up city blocks. Extravagant, especially at a time like now, when all those little nooks and crannies could be better used. Sure, […]
Wednesday, June 15, 2011 // Woot
Every week in this space, we’ll take a look at the news and offer our own incisive blend of commentary, analysis, and poop jokes. The news you need, from a voice you can trust, in the 90 seconds you have to spare: that’s Woot Weads the Wire. FORT PIERCE, Fla. (UPI) — Florida police said […]
