Saturday, March 23, 2013 // Woot
YAWN… what time is it… whoa, it’s already getting dark out? Aw jeez, my whole sleep schedule is totally off. I really wanted to turn in early last night, but then I went by the big pine, and Kevin and them had heard about some mice over in the meadow, so I went along, “just […]
Saturday, March 23, 2013 // Woot
Look. I’m not one of those girls looking for Mr. Right. I’m not even looking for Mr. Right Now. I’m looking for Mr. I Guess He’ll Do. Why? Because I’m ready to get this show on the road. Life, I mean. He’s got all his teeth, so I got no complaints. That’s my take on […]
Saturday, March 23, 2013 // Woot
You’re no dummy. You read the newspapers. You know that the next global conflict won’t be over food, oil, or land; it’ll be over water. That’s why you’ve begun stockpiling water with a Winix 50-pint Dehumidifier — because in the land of the thirsty, the moist man is king. Just think, there’s water all around […]
Friday, March 22, 2013 // Woot
Use this: to maintain your children’s illusion that you have a job. Don’t use this: to scan your NCAA bracket and email it to “brackets@sports.yahoo.com”. Some skeptics wonder: whether the software that automatically sorts your documents isn’t silently judging you. A real Amazon review of this product states that: FOR GOD SAKES JUST KEEP THE […]
Friday, March 22, 2013 // Woot
Use this: to burn fat, to work out longer, or because you just like any excuse to use bad-ass phrases like “Hyper Shred”. Don’t use this: if you’re into geranium oil extracts. This doesn’t have any, so you geranium oil freaks should just move on. We said GO! GET OUT OF OUR SIGHT! YOU GERANIUM […]
Friday, March 22, 2013 // Woot
“AHHH! Who are you? What are you doing in my house? And in my bath robe?” Carolyn! It’s … “Stay back! AND HOW DO YOU KNOW MY NAME?” BECAUSE IT’S ME! YOUR HUSBAND! “Oh jeez, Roger. You scared the crap out of me! What are you doing?” I just … well. I didn’t know you […]
Friday, March 22, 2013 // Woot
“So, how’s little Gracie doing? Is she in to the 9-ounce Stage 2 bottle yet?” Oh yeah. She mastered that, like, weeks ago. She’s even using the Stage 3 nipple now. What about Maddox? “Of course. Truthfully, I think he’s just about ready for the 7-ounce Stage 4 training cup. His facial and jaw muscles […]
Friday, March 22, 2013 // Woot
Are you tired of ordering sounds a la carte? Isn’t it a pain to try to find one place that has sounds everyone likes? Don’t you wish you could gorge yourself on whatever sounds strike your fancy, without worrying about the price? Then bring you and your family’s ears down to the Audiosource Soundbar for […]
Friday, March 22, 2013 // Woot
Ugh, seriously, Shirt.Woot? I used to think you were cool. I’d check your site every day. But now it’s basically nothing but nods to 20th century surrealism. It’s like, we get it: By portraying images and thoughts in abstract or nonsensical juxtaposition we can perceive outside of all aesthetic and moral preoccupation. Yawn. Sure, it’s […]
Friday, March 22, 2013 // Woot
Ugh, seriously, Shirt.Woot? I used to think you were cool. I’d check your site every day. But now it’s basically nothing but nods to 20th century surrealism. It’s like, we get it: By portraying images and thoughts in abstract or nonsensical juxtaposition we can perceive outside of all aesthetic and moral preoccupation. Yawn. Sure, it’s […]
