Thursday, March 14, 2013 // Woot
Yeah. We know how the cool kids are doin’ it. You think plastic or metal trains are what’s hot? Nah, Brah. It’s all about the wood. That, and a scratch-resistant play board with colorful graphics. They may be kids, but they ain’t animals. They knows how to keep it real nice and tidy like, storage […]
Thursday, March 14, 2013 // Woot
Sure, the price is good, but just HD and 3D and WiFi? Is that all? I mean, that’s fine for my grandma or somebody like that. You know, people who are still impressed by crisper-than-reality three-dimensional images. But why should I settle for that? I want full-surround hologramic images with OdorReady ambient airflow and TactileSense […]
Thursday, March 14, 2013 // Woot
“Morning.” “Morning.” “I’m making coffee, you want some?” “Oh, no thanks. I’m more of a tea person.” “Those aren’t really in the same category.” “Excuse me?” “I hear a lot of tea drinkers express their preference as though it were an equal, viable alternative to drinking coffee. But it’s not.” “What are you talking about? […]
Thursday, March 14, 2013 // Woot
Air isn’t just a band that hipsters love. Air is also a vital component in the evolution of wine. Without air, your wine will never reach its full flavor. But if you give your wine too much air, it’ll become slovenly, rude, and un-American. The kind of wine that rides into a small town and […]
Thursday, March 14, 2013 // Woot
The original cast is TOTALLY into getting back together! The Intel Dual-Core Processor is tired of doing conventions, the 14″ HD Anti-Glare LED-backlit high-definition widescreen display’s podcast gig isn’t working out, and the 128GB Solid State Drive Flash Module has some pretty expensive habits to feed. Bottom line: let’s rock this joint, yo! But we […]
Wednesday, March 13, 2013 // Woot
How to explain? How can I make you understand the horror, the panic, the sheer genital-shriveling terror I feel over even a glimpse of the rainbow shine of a DVD or Blu-ray? There are no words. There are no words. Only screams. But does that mean I can’t watch movies at my house? Not at […]
Wednesday, March 13, 2013 // Woot
Use this: during a job interview, so the interviewer doesn’t see that weird “Bob Hope Shooting Lasers Out Of His Eyes” forehead tattoo. Don’t use this: in a burrito. What you’re looking for are beans, not beanies. Some skeptics wonder: whether it’s healthy for hair to keep it covered all the time. When irradiated, this […]
Wednesday, March 13, 2013 // Woot
Use this: to round out the Easter baskets of your adult children. Or your siblings. Or your friends. Or yourself. Don’t use this: more than once every six hours. There is such a thing as energy being too extreme. Some skeptics wonder: why the purple candy/drink flavor is called “Grape” when it doesn’t taste anything […]
Wednesday, March 13, 2013 // Woot
INFLUENZA CITY – Another day, another horrifying outcome for thousands of innocent bacteria. It was 3:00 P.M., the germs and bacteria that called the Jones’ kitchen home were enjoying their day, basking in the sun from the window over the sink, when it struck. From nowhere, the Shark Lift-away Pro Steam Pocket Mop appeared, wiping […]
Wednesday, March 13, 2013 // Woot
Listen, we all do crazy things when we’re young. Some of us try to gather every version of Optimus Prime mint-in-box. Some of us put our money in startup corporations that swear they’ll be the next Microsoft. And some of us buy ceramics, literally millions of dollars of ceramics, and then find out we’re about […]
