Friday, April 26, 2013 // Woot
“Oh. Hey mom. And dad. And Jake, Mary and Lisa. What uh … what are you guys doing here?” We’re here because we love you, honey. “I uh … yeah. I love you guys too. But you could have just called.” We’re here, Brad, because we know about your coffee habit. “Coffee habit? I don’t […]
Friday, April 26, 2013 // Woot
:::SQUEE EEE SQUEE EEE SQUEE EEE::: “What IS that?” Ugh! It’s the upstairs neighbors. “Geez! It’s 10:30 in the morning!” They have three kids. :::SQUEE EEE SQUEE EEE SQUEE EEE::: “Well it’s no wonder!” Just wait till the galloping and whinnying sounds start up. It’s really disturbing. “I bet!” Not as disturbing as the bellowing […]
Friday, April 26, 2013 // Woot
Use this: uh, gee, I dunno, what do you THINK you use it for, Einstein? Don’t use this: OK, look. Sorry I was such a jerk in that first one, OK? I’m just having kind of a rough day but it’s not your fault and I shouldn’t take it out on you. The experts say: […]
Friday, April 26, 2013 // Woot
“Who killed my sister? Who killed the Witch of the East? Was it you??” “Whoa whoa whoa. Hold on. What is happening?” “You killed my sister, my pretty!” “All right. Let’s back up a second. First off…OK, I don’t even know if there is a first off. But I’ve got a few questions.” “What about […]
Friday, April 26, 2013 // Woot
A is for how AWESOME this wine is. B is for its BRIGHT fruit BALANCE. C is for CREME brulee on the nose and black CURRANT on the palate. D is for DARJEELING tea that melds well with cocoa-like tannins. E is for ELEMENTS of ENHANCED spice. F is for rich earth FLAVORS of FRESH […]
Friday, April 26, 2013 // Woot
Look, the Woot writers are human, okay? Sometimes we run out of ideas. That’s why, from time to time, we’ll farm out the product writeup to an MFA student. Hey, if it worked for James Frey, it can work for us, right? So, today’s writeup for this Panasonic Rechargeable Sonic Toothbrush is written by Thea […]
Thursday, April 25, 2013 // Woot
A million, billion years ago, the thunder lizards walked the Earth. Tiny rodents hid in hedges as the dinosaurs trimmed their lawns and topiaries. Today, it is Man who rules, while the T-Rexs and pteranodons scurry back beneath the porches of suburbia, biding their time and praying they are never seen. Yes, Virginia, the dinosaurs […]
Thursday, April 25, 2013 // Woot
Use this: for extreme close-ups, extreme far-outs, and extreme everything in between. Don’t use this: with both lenses attached at the same time. If you find that this is possible with your camera, your camera has mutated. Please check the radioactivity levels in your area. Lost in the wilderness with only this product, you could […]
Thursday, April 25, 2013 // Woot
Use this: instead of that unreliable “Love-o-Meter” at the local bar. Don’t use this: to monitor your irregular heartbeat. Get that checked out. A real Amazon review of this product states that: “It is a little difficult to take the heart reading as I have some hair on my arms.” On this product’s car, there […]
Thursday, April 25, 2013 // Woot
Listen, Haan Floor Steamer. I’m not saying you’re not great at steaming floors. I’m just saying that calling yourself “multi-purpose” is a little misleading. Sure, you have a removable handheld steamer with versatile cleaning attachments. And yeah, you use Smart Steam Technology to kill 99.9% of germs, bacteria and dust mites. But in the end, […]
