Sunday, February 24, 2013 // Woot
SHUT THAT BABY UP! SHUT IT UP! I CAN’T TAKE IT! SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP! ALL I WANNA DO IS PLAY A MARIO GAME AND THIS BABY JUST WON’T SHUT UP AND IT BETTER SHUT UP NOW! SHUT UP NOW! SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP OH MY GOD THAT BABY IT WON’T […]
Sunday, February 24, 2013 // Woot
Ah, the 44? parallel north. The line that unites Oregon, New York, Nova Scotia, Bosnia, France and Italy. The line that touches two or three different -stans, a whole bunch of China, Hokkaido in Japan, and probably some ducks somewhere in the mid-Atlantic. We haven’t really researched that part but we’re guessing. And THAT’S why […]
Sunday, February 24, 2013 // Woot
When Vincentto said that he’d stolen the Roslyn Diamond, everyone knew where he hid it: in his ear. The problem was how were you supposed to get in there? People are protective of those things. You can’t just go touching a man’s ears without him starting to wonder, “Is this guy going for my diamond?” […]
Saturday, February 23, 2013 // Woot
“Hello! Welcome. Wow, it’s been awhile since anyone came in. My name’s Megan, I’ll be taking your portrait today. Would you be interested in our Passionate Portrait Package? We do a Beauty Headshot, an action pose, and a boudoir shot for just $ 129.99.” “Wait wait wait! That’s not our only package! Please? I can […]
Saturday, February 23, 2013 // Woot
Use this: to catch that pesky bike that’s been stealing the food you leave out on the counter. Don’t use this: outside, in the middle of the road. You can just use your bike like a normal bike then. At the local watering hole, this would order: a Gatorade and vodka. If you traveled to […]
Saturday, February 23, 2013 // Woot
“Rex! Rex! C’mere, girl!” You named your girl dog Rex? “Oh, ha ha! No! I named my Pyrex 2 Quart Oblong dish Rex! And she’s the most adorable reusable over-to-table container there is. You’ll just fall in love with her red plastic cover. She’s here somewhere, you’ll see. Rex? Pyrex? Come on out, girl!” I […]
Saturday, February 23, 2013 // Woot
Do yourself a favor, parents. DON’T look directly into the 3-toy mobile as this swing moves try-directionally, first side-by-side and then front-to-back. Because that’s precisely what your baby WANTS you to do. You think the WhisperQuiet? Operation and three soothing nature sounds are for him? Wrong. They’re for you. As you’re being lulled to sleep […]
Saturday, February 23, 2013 // Woot
But if you do that, what kind of friend would you be? Then again, if they don’t sharpen your knives, what kind of friend could THEY be? And if you have to ask this question in the first place, what’s REALLY the bond you even share with this friend? Look, it’s obvious now that you […]
Saturday, February 23, 2013 // Woot
Here’s my pitch for a movie for a super hero movie: so there’s this teenaged kid, okay, and he notices that whenever he walks under street lights, they turn off. So that gets him thinking like, Whoa wait, am I electrically charged?! So he goes to a science lab late at night (maybe it’s in […]
Saturday, February 23, 2013 // Woot
Here’s my pitch for a movie for a super hero movie: so there’s this teenaged kid, okay, and he notices that whenever he walks under street lights, they turn off. So that gets him thinking like, Whoa wait, am I electrically charged?! So he goes to a science lab late at night (maybe it’s in […]
