Friday, December 21, 2012 // Woot
The professor held a press conference to announce that he’d found a cure for the night. “It’s a Water Resistant 100 Lumen High-End Power LED with a Patented Advanced Focus System,” he said, turning it on in front of the crowd. “But professor, we already have lights,” quipped the unimpressed newspaper reporter from the first […]
Friday, December 21, 2012 // Woot
Welcome, ladies and gentlemen of the press. I thank you for coming on such ambiguous grounds, but I believe by the end of this press conference you will understand the importance of discretion in this matter. For I am to here reveal a monument of genetics and animal husbandry the likes of which the world […]
Friday, December 21, 2012 // Woot
The Iron Horse gang is back in town. That’s going to go about as well for me as red wine with fish. All three siblings, too. The Russian. The Brut. And Jiminy “The Wedding” Cuvee, who earned his nickname after a habit of offing his business partners led to a string of bad “’till death […]
Friday, December 21, 2012 // Woot
So you’ve gone ahead and sprung for a gym membership. Congratulations! The gym can be a great resource to help you get fit. But you’re not gonna show up looking so out of shape, are you? Have you ever been to a gym? You have to be able to fit into some spandex pants just […]
Thursday, December 20, 2012 // Woot
Sold earbuds, yes we have done; Sold them to the Woot masses Minutes after they went up People started to click But we can’t help but feel wrong By the licensing of Bob Marley We weep for this generation Sarcastically Won’t you help us sell Earbuds of freedom For some reason we have Bob Marley […]
Thursday, December 20, 2012 // Woot
Use this: to draw greater attention to your scooting efforts. Don’t use this: if you smell skunk. It might be gas. Or it might be a scooter-hating skunk. If this was a character in a sitcom, its catchphrase would be: “DO THE SCOOT-SCOOTIN’ BOOGIE!” This just posted on Facebook: Friday night: time to meet up […]
Thursday, December 20, 2012 // Woot
Brant turned the key in the lock and opened up the front door approximately three inches before hitting something that was blocking the entry. “Lesley! What’s going on?” he yelled into the apartment. “I can’t get in. Something’s blocking the door.” “Oh! Sorry, hon!” she said as she ran to the door to assist. “I’m […]
Thursday, December 20, 2012 // Woot
“We’ve got good kids, Michelle.” Michelle laughed and hugged Tim back. “What brought this on?” “Jake. He’s in the living room with his Thomas Crane & Cargo Set. Come and see.” In the living room, Jake was lying beside the Thomas Crane & Cargo Set. Reading a book. Not turning the knob to control the […]
Thursday, December 20, 2012 // Woot
Look, we know our place in Internet culture: constantly scrabbling like a dog in the back of a car as we try to avoid our slow, inexorable slide into irrelevance. We’re not going to pretend like we’re the Don Draper of Roombas or anything, but come on: Easy with a Z? You don’t need a […]
Thursday, December 20, 2012 // Woot
“Time to start doing this Shirt.Woot writeup. OK, looks like a mashup. Maybe I’ll do some kind of meta time-travel joke–“ “WAIT! Don’t do it!” “Wha? Who are you?” “I’m you!” “Me?” “Yes, I’m you from one day in the future, and I’ve been sent back in time to stop you from doing a self-referential […]
