Wednesday, September 12, 2012 // Woot
Mike is a professional. Ask him what kind of a professional, however, and you just get a sort of unsettling sideways grin. He moved into the building six months ago to keep an eye on that chain-smoking broad with the attitude problem, and he was being paid very handsomely to do so. He never asks […]
Wednesday, September 12, 2012 // Woot
“I’m just saying,” Reggie said, pushing his ill-fitting glasses up the bridge of his nose, “that at no time in any comic ever published ever has Spidey ridden one of those. It totally goes against fifty years of intricate storytelling.” Jake adjusted his helmet and rolled his eyes as Pete said, “No one cares, Reggie. […]
Wednesday, September 12, 2012 // Woot
Every year it dreamed of taking part in the big cook-off at the burners downtown. “My boy, you’re just too small for that,” said the Kuhn Rikon’s father. “Only the biggest pots in the land are allowed to compete in the cook-off!” It was true: the Kuhn Rikon 4th Burner Pot was compact. But that […]
Wednesday, September 12, 2012 // Woot
If you want to find out about erotic fiction, you know where to go, right? Let’s check out this local library! Well, let’s see: aardvarks, chickens, hedgehogs, boy this library is thorough. Ah, here we are! Erotic fiction. Let’s see what we’ve got here: Ah, it’s Fifty Shades Freed! I’ve always said you can find […]
Wednesday, September 12, 2012 // Woot
All right, fine. I’ll give up on my mission to keep all foreign words out of our country. It was a dream, but a far-fetched dream. However, if I have to say foreign words, I’m going to say them in American. So “Cinque Gemma Red Cuvee” ain’t gonna happen — try “Kink Jemma Red Cuhvee.” […]
Wednesday, September 12, 2012 // Woot
I always knew the usual paths into the movie business weren’t for me. Working my way up from some crap job at a studio? Way too much work. Film school? They’re all controlled by the Church of Satan – seriously, it’s an open secret in the industry – plus, see what I said above about […]
Tuesday, September 11, 2012 // Woot
Bargain shopping is an art, as you know (you’re on Woot, after all). There’s no such thing as a free lunch, and you’ve got to find stuff that’s on the cheap for the right reason. And this revolutionary Boxee Box HD Media Player is affordable for one reason: The designers totally forgot one of the […]
Tuesday, September 11, 2012 // Woot
When I golf and my shots are a mess Gettin’ help to make me golf the best When I get an awful lie Wishin’ I had a caddie in the sky Wishin’ I had a caddie in the sky That’s what I’m gonna need when I slice When we’re done and we’re takin’ a rest […]
Tuesday, September 11, 2012 // Woot
“YOU GET THAT OUT OF OUR HOUSE THIS INSTANT!” Lesley was infuriated that Brant could be so insensitive. Had their college boycott of all non-dolphin-safe canned meat products meant nothing to him? And the summer they spent campaigning against pianists and the Professional Dominos Player’s Association and their resulting co-authored expose: TUSK! TUSK! The Shameful […]
Tuesday, September 11, 2012 // Woot
And the Oppenheim Toy Portfolio Best Toy Award goes to … The Guidecraft Magneatos Set! :::APPLAUSE::: Wow. All I can say is Wow. I’m just … Oh my God. I don’t even have a speech prepared. This is just so unexpected. I’m humbled to have even been nominated alongside such classic and beloved toys. I […]
