Sunday, September 2, 2012 // Woot
Not only is this thing endorsed by six-time Ms. Olympia World Bodybuilding Champion, Cory Everson; it’s also bilateral! You know what that means? It features two laterals! That’s right! TWO STRENGTH-TRAINING, FAT-BURNING LATERALS FOR THE PRICE OF ONE! Now, I know what you’re thinking: “why would I need two laterals?” Well, hold on, silly! No […]
Sunday, September 2, 2012 // Woot
When Detective Miller burst through the door of the stakeout apartment, Hinkle didn’t turn around to greet him. He didn’t get up, didn’t offer his partner a cup of stale coffee or cold Chinese food. Instead, he just sat staring out the window from his folding chair, his binoculars sitting in his lap, and coldy […]
Sunday, September 2, 2012 // Woot
“I know you probably won’t remember this,” Ryan whispered to his infant daughter, “but I just want you to know that I was the one who picked out most of your stuff, no matter what your mother tells you.” These quiet moments holding Bristol while Jessica rested were his favorite. There were no fancy schools […]
Sunday, September 2, 2012 // Woot
Sir, if you’d please put down that camera? Eagles are notoriously sensitive about making braised dishes, and we must be careful not to disturb their natural habitat. Last year one of our guests upset a family of raccoons trying to make a souffle and the forest rangers just weren’t happy about that at ALL. Now, […]
Sunday, September 2, 2012 // Woot
I’m just telling you it’s what I’d prefer to believe. “But it’s nonsensical!” “Is it? Is it any more nonsensical to believe that there’s a giant, ambivalent unicorn in the sky who may or may not have created us but definitely does not interfere in our affairs or really even acknowledge our existence?” “YES!” “Why?” […]
Sunday, September 2, 2012 // Woot
“Hey, what’s up, Chuck! I thought that was you.” Oh, hello Jim. Actually, it’s Charles now. I haven’t gone by Chuck since … well, I’ve actually never gone by Chuck. You just randomly started calling me that one day in 6th grade. “Good story, Chuck. So how’ve you been? I see you’ve moved to the […]
Sunday, September 2, 2012 // Woot
You want chocolate ice cream. So, you get in your car and drive all the way to the ice cream shop (or ice cream shoppe, if it’s a little fancy [or micro-creamery if it’s too fancy for its own good]), only to find that they don’t have any chocolate today. Instead, they have this other […]
Saturday, September 1, 2012 // Woot
I know what you’re thinking, “Not one more self-help guru peddling his complicated system for attaining the life you’ve always imagined.” But hold on — my advice is so easy you’ll kick yourself for not thinking of it first: WHEN FACED WITH A CHOICE, MAKE THE CORRECT ONE. Take batteries. You can choose to buy […]
Saturday, September 1, 2012 // Woot
Look, I’m not proud, okay? It’s just that, with the all the club fees and stuff, all I had money for was the golf bag itself, not any of the clubs. I mean, I do data-entry. It’s not like I’m rolling in it. And yes, of course I would buy the bag before the clubs! […]
Saturday, September 1, 2012 // Woot
Some of Rod’s boxes were waiting out front when the realtor appeared. She was only slightly apologetic, but Rod wasn’t going to complain. Pamela had convinced him that if he wanted to sell the house, he needed to just smile, step aside, and stare in the opposite direction of any woman until the contract was […]
