Tuesday, April 2, 2013 // Woot
Stop bathing your babies, everyone. Baths are a waste of water, ipso facto, they’re also a waste of money. You could go so far as licking your baby clean, but that’s what animals do, and the line between man and beast is already a little shaky. So here’s our suggestion: Baby wipes. Lots and lots […]
Tuesday, April 2, 2013 // Woot
What’s the most decadent thing you can have? A cupcake. What’s an even MORE decadent thing? A cupcake made out of TWO cupcakes! Step it up, 1%, there’s a new plateau of unnecessary greatness. You’ve bought the sleeveless turtleneck and the rainbow leg warmers and the steel-toe sandals, but you still just aren’t First World […]
Tuesday, April 2, 2013 // Woot
Zeus looked over smoldering Troy, Weeping for noble Priam, her king. “My son by Electra, slain before me. What curse is man, that he should slaughter so?” Hera, his wife, overheard Zeus, and interjected, “But wait, Jupiter, you sought a fallen Troy, To punish Paris for his god-like o’erreaching.” Zeus heard her, and wheeled in […]
Tuesday, April 2, 2013 // Woot
“Welp. Looks like you’re gonna just have to stay the night after all, what with all this snow we’re getting.” I don’t understand. It was supposed to be 60 degrees and sunny today. “That’s the thing about spring. You never know when the skies are gonna open up and leave you ‘stranded’ with the guy […]
Tuesday, April 2, 2013 // Woot
Hey, sandwich guys, calm down. We’re not judging anyone. Quite the opposite, in fact. We’re celebrating a great new direction in marketing! Now we know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that words don’t mean a THING when you see them in advertisements! And doesn’t that free us from the constraints of, you know, reality? […]
Monday, April 1, 2013 // Woot
We’re gonna be one hundred, thousand, million, billion percent honest with you. If you pull out a small bag and say “Oh, this is my Oscillating Tool, I keep it on me for moments just like this” you are INSTANTLY leaping to the front of the awesome pack. It doesn’t matter what you’re doing. It […]
Monday, April 1, 2013 // Woot
Use this: to feel just as tough as those grizzled Tools.Woot shoppers. Don’t use this: if you are a mother, or we won’t be able to claim that “THIS AIN’T YO MOMMA’S PORTABLE BLUETOOTH SPEAKER!” Lost in the wilderness with only this product, you could survive by: depending on its gruff-but-world-wise brand of leadership. In […]
Monday, April 1, 2013 // Woot
Whether you’re bodybuilding, shopping for great home-improvement deals at Woot’s newest site, or inserting gratuitous moneygrubbing links into unrelated product descriptions, start with a glass of BSN N.O. Xplode. Who knew cherry limeade could be so badass? Increased constitution, greater strength, higher dexterity, keener intelligence, deeper wisdom, and improved charisma: for your D&D characters, it’s […]
Monday, April 1, 2013 // Woot
Zero out of 10 dentists recommend whitening your teeth with a belt sander or an oscillating tool like this one on our new Tools & Garden site. So, instead, you should just buy this Professional Teeth Whitening System. Eight out of 10 dentists* recommend following Dr. George E. Kirtley’s regimen that uses both Hydrogen Peroxide […]
Monday, April 1, 2013 // Woot
Just like our brand new Tools & Garden Site is designed to help turn your house into a paradise, so too is Stur Water Enhancer designed to turn water into flavored water, with an all natural stevia sweetener that bypasses sugar completely. Not to mention the seven essential vitamins hidden away behind the three delicious […]
