Tuesday, March 12, 2013 // Woot
JOSEPH: And what gifts have you brought to lay before the king? MELCHIOR: I brought gold. CASPAR: I brought frankincense. BALTHASAR: I brought myrrh. STEVE: I brought booze. MARY: Well that’s tacky. JOSEPH: Hush, woman. What kind of booze… Steve, was it? STEVE: It’s wine, actually. But I see you already have enough of that. […]
Tuesday, March 12, 2013 // Woot
When you’re taking photos with your phone, sure, whatever. They’re only going to Facebook or getting wrecked in an Instagram filter. Even though your grandparents used to value that kind of photo, you know. And you’re just throwing it out ironically and laughing. Deee-sgusting. But for the photos you want to keep? Well, that’s different. […]
Monday, March 11, 2013 // Woot
Use these: to watch high-def versions of low-deffed remakes of your favorite shows. Don’t use these: to watch old Kevin Smith movies. Not because they won’t look all right, but because Kevin Smith movies aren’t good. Pick the one: That matches the distance from the top of your kneecap to the distal portion of your […]
Monday, March 11, 2013 // Woot
Use this: to round out the Easter baskets of your adult children. Or your siblings. Or your friends. Or yourself. Don’t use this: more than once every six hours. There is such a thing as energy being too extreme. Some skeptics wonder: why the purple candy/drink flavor is called “Grape” when it doesn’t taste anything […]
Monday, March 11, 2013 // Woot
“Henry, we need to talk.” :::ERRRRRGGGGG::: I’M SORRY, HONEY. I CAN’T HEAR YOU OVER MY NEW BREVILLE SMART GRINDER. :::ERRRRRGGGGG::: “Do you think you could turn it off just for a few …” :::ERRRRRGGGGG::: I KNOW, RIGHT? IT IS PRETTY COOL HOW IT AUTOMATICALLY CALIBRATES EACH DOSE EVERY TIME THE GRIND SETTINGS ARE ADJUSTED. :::ERRRRRGGGGG::: […]
Monday, March 11, 2013 // Woot
Dearest Vampire and Darling Mummy, By the time you read this, I will be far, far, far away. Know it is not because I do not love you; rather, it is because I love each of you too much. You, my sweet, sweet Count, with your snooze function and LCD screen. And you, my handsome […]
Monday, March 11, 2013 // Woot
Little kids want to have fun and they want to be moving. It’s one of the reasons they might yawn when you put on “Heroes” but come running when you put on Let’s Dance. So we feel it’s not hyperbole to say THESE PLUM ORGANIC MASHUP SNACKS ARE LITERALLY THE GREATEST THING THE WORLD HAS […]
Monday, March 11, 2013 // Woot
Use this: to point out to your friends and neighbors how the version of “Bertha” the Grateful Dead played at the St. Louis Arena on May 15, 1977 was slightly funkier and had a bridge that was six measures longer than the version of “Bertha” they played two days later at the University of Alabama […]
Monday, March 11, 2013 // Woot
Honey, I just want to say, I’m super happy that you’re getting involved in the wedding planning process. But, well, about your idea for a Lord of the Rings themed ceremony… I thought maybe we could tweak it a little bit. Now, don’t get me wrong, I like certain parts of it. Having it in […]
Monday, March 11, 2013 // Woot
“I’m just saying. Maybe you should think before you speak. Because you sound like a real hypocrite right now.” I said I’m sorry, Sheila! Jeez! If you want to drink a wine with plenty of up-front honeysuckle, marzipan and floral fruit aromas, that’s your business. “You’re right! It IS my business. And if I want […]
