Friday, October 19, 2012 // Woot
Jill, I love you. I love you more than I’ve ever loved anything in my 16 years on this earth. You are like the moon and I’m like the tides chasing you, bulging around the globe. Your ponytail always smells so awesome, even after volleyball practice. I don’t care where you go to college, I’ll […]
Thursday, October 18, 2012 // Woot
We have a few disclaimers we have to get out of the way before we can sell you this Magellan RoadMate Portable GPS. We know, it’s kinda lame, but we have lawyers now and they make us say this stuff: For trips trans-Pacific trips, please allow at least five weeks to supply and prepare your […]
Thursday, October 18, 2012 // Woot
The City Council proposes $ 5 million in bike infrastructure improvement, including protected bike lanes, dedicated cycle tracks, and on-street bike corrals. We will now take public comment. “Yes, hello. I would like to recommend that we scrap this plan and give everybody Wheel Writer Bike Lights instead.” Ma’am, this municipal proposal is the result […]
Thursday, October 18, 2012 // Woot
Chastity and Purity sat in their dorm room, discussing the declining role of the traditional nuclear family in today’s society (for their Social Anthropology class) when the heavenly aroma of toasted finger foods wafted through the door. “So like I was saying, I think it’s a real shame … hey, do you smell that?” said […]
Thursday, October 18, 2012 // Woot
Jake leaned against his SkootCase, holding a rolled up slice of smoked turkey between his lips. His cousin Dakody tapped his arm and laughed. “She’s got your eye, huh?” Jake didn’t answer. Not with words, anyway. But when he opened his SkootCase and pulled out a thin black tie, he said everything that needed to […]
Thursday, October 18, 2012 // Woot
Jake leaned against his SkootCase, holding a rolled up slice of smoked turkey between his lips. His cousin Dakody tapped his arm and laughed. “She’s got your eye, huh?” Jake didn’t answer. Not with words, anyway. But when he opened his SkootCase and pulled out a thin black tie, he said everything that needed to […]
Thursday, October 18, 2012 // Woot
“Good morning, One-Armed Lazy-Eyed Mountain Witch. How are you tod … ONE-ARMED LAZY-EYED MOUNTAIN WITCH NO!!! What are you doing with that saute pan?” I cook baby. “You can’t do that, One-Armed Lazy-Eyed Mountain Witch.” Yes. I cook baby. “Saute pans are not for cooking babies. They’re for sauteing vegetables and meats for things like […]
Thursday, October 18, 2012 // Woot
You know, my first instinct is to shoot this guy under the table right now. I mean, it would obviously do away with the problem in a hurry, and would be pretty exciting to boot. But, I donno, I think maybe I’m getting to the point in my life where I should just pay my […]
Thursday, October 18, 2012 // Woot
Come witness a feat of sweet creamy butter, pure cane sugar, chocolate and almonds that are so melt-in-your-mouthy, you have to taste it to believe it! You’ll OOOH. You’ll AHHH. You’ll smack your lips and lick your fingers clean! Gold Medal Magic Mushroom popcorn. Toffee-coated almonds. Guittard dark chocolate. Chocolate Peanut Butter Poppers are a […]
Thursday, October 18, 2012 // Woot
“Has he really thought this through? What about his education?” With a 4GB DDR3 memory, we feel that he has nothing else to learn to prepare him for a career after his playing days. The other, er, benefits that a performer of his caliber enjoys on campus will still be available to him in even […]
