Tuesday, April 24, 2012 // Woot
Pretty Sneaky, Sis Forget the knight. We’re throwing down the L-Shaped Tetris Block Gambit. (DATELINE: SOHO) Was it just last year that Ivar Springsteen turned his back on the high-pressure world of chess with the shocking announcement that the game was “finished for good”? Chess devotees still recall the ripple that went through the sport […]
Tuesday, April 24, 2012 // Woot
A Difference You Can’t Hear Try the blue ones. Hmm. Okay, now the black. Alright, now the red. UGH! They all sound exactly alike! How am I as a concerned consumer supposed to make an informed decision based on product specs and features alone? I already know they all have the same chrome 3.5mm plug, […]
Tuesday, April 24, 2012 // Woot
Turning the Tables No, I don’t have a drinking problem. You guys just have a flask-appreciation problem. It’s all, “Gina, are you really bringing your flask to the grocery store?” Or, “Gina, seriously, we’d prefer if you didn’t drink at Anne’s baby shower.” Or, “Gina, there’s no alcohol allowed in traffic school.” Don’t you see? […]
Tuesday, April 24, 2012 // Woot
Welcome Back, Old Friend Hey there, Roomba. It’s been a while. Gosh, it’s so good to see you again. How long has it been? That long, huh? Wow. Well, you look great. Really great. Have you had your bag-less bin emptied recently? ‘Cause it shows. Me? I’ve been good, I guess. Still working, still trying […]
Tuesday, April 24, 2012 // Woot
>examine room You are sitting comfortably in your living room. There is an HDTV sitting across from you, and a small remote resting on the coffee table. Attached to the HDTV is a small box. >examine box From your reclined position, you can see it is your recently purchased Roku XD 1080p Streaming Player, a […]
Tuesday, April 24, 2012 // Woot
Eyes On The Prize It takes a special kind of man to wear Lady Liberty’s crown. Marc Baker was just such a person. You’ve got to own that torch and really feel the power of freedom as you swing it high above your head while gyrating your hips below for the people driving by the […]
Tuesday, April 24, 2012 // Woot
What’s the worst that could happen? If it worked for those idiots on Jackass, it could work for me! STUNT SCOOTER, GO! “Hi, I’m Ryder. And this is the stunt scooter. Basically, I’m gonna take this Razor A Kick Scooter and jump off this railing into an inflatable pool that my friends all peed in.” […]
Tuesday, April 24, 2012 // Woot
Love Like Opera No, Javier. Don’t stop me. I can’t handle your unreliability any more. When we met, Javier, knowing you were a swordfighting shark trainer who also gambled in race cars, that really reached something in me. But now, now I see that you’re nothing but an unstable roustabout, using those sharks to hide […]
Tuesday, April 24, 2012 // Woot
Sleeping Bags Autenticos I’m starving – wanna grab a sleep’rito? Ummmmm…yyyyyeah. Can I get a Kenosa 20 degree sleep’rito, please? Black beans. Oh, a full-length draft tube, Yeah, MountainLoft Hollowfibers, please, and can I get half and half insulation disbursement with that? Yeah, 50/50. Sorry if that’s picky. Umm…carne asada. Sure – can I get […]
Tuesday, April 24, 2012 // Woot
Muscled Youth Rodney, come in here. This is important. “What’s up, coach?” We’re gonna need you to go into the bathroom and pee in this cup, Rodney. “What?” We need to test you. For PEDs. “What are PEDs?” Performance Enhancing Drugs, Rodney. “But coach, I’m fourteen.” That’s why this is so important. I’d hate to […]
