Roku XD 1080p Streaming Player – $49.99

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

>examine room

You are sitting comfortably in your living room. There is an HDTV sitting across from you, and a small remote resting on the coffee table. Attached to the HDTV is a small box.

>examine box

From your reclined position, you can see it is your recently purchased Roku XD 1080p Streaming Player, a device that instantly streams tons of entertainment directly to your TV. The remote on the coffee table almost certainly belongs to it, but to be sure you’d have to reach for it and the thought of exerting the energy to do so is unappealing.

>examine self

It’s been weeks since your significant other left you and, boy, does it ever show: old t-shirt, boxer shorts, the slight odor of someone who hasn’t showered in a few days. You haven’t been able to work up the gumption to put even the slightest amount of effort into personal hygiene, let alone leave the house. The most you’ve been able to accomplish in your state is the simple hook up of your Roku XD player to the HDTV and high-speed Internet, and even that was a chore. In short, you’re depressed, apathetic, and kind of stinky.

>get off couch

Why? You want to go somewhere? And do what? Find someone else who will lie when they say they care about you? Or maybe you’d like to get gussied for the rejection of the strangers that haunt your local tavern? Boy, that sounds like something worth putting on pants for. Doesn’t that Roku box give you access to over 100,000 movies and TV shows from Netflix, Amazon Instant Video, Hulu Plus and more? That sounds like a much better plan, don’t you think?

>reexamine life goals

Phsst. Whatever. Unless those goals include “listen to music on Pandora, Last.FM, Shoutcast, or even my own iTunes playlists” or “cry myself to sleep again,” you’re in no position to do much to improve your situation. Face it, you’re an unlovable shell of a person. Everyone knows it. I’m the only one who thinks enough of you to tell you the truth.

>get remote

You grunt and groan as you reach for the remote and struggle against the weight of your own self-loathing.

>search for Downton Abbey

Excellent choice. I’ve heard really good things about it.

>give up completely

Congratulations! You have given up. Your score is 3,542,109 out of 585,812,009 points in 843,776,093,382 moves. This gives you the rank of Pathetic Lump.

Authorized for SquareTrade Extended Warranty

Warranty: 90 Day Roku

Condition: Refurbished

Features:

• Roku is a little box that allows you to instantly stream tons of entertainment on your TV.
• Watch over 100,000 movies and TV shows from Netflix, Amazon Instant Video, Hulu Plus and more.
• Listen to music on Pandora, or listen to your own iTunes playlists.
• Watch major sports, news, or original Internet programming.
• Start watching movies on your TV in seconds using your high-speed Internet connection
• Works with any TV – up to 1080p. Roku delivers biggest and best streaming video experience you can get
• Built-in wireless (extended-range Wireless-N) and wired Internet connectivity
• Simply connect to your TV and to your high-speed Internet service. Does not require PC for streaming
• Instant Replay button, so you can skip back instantly in 10 second jumps. It’s the only streaming player that can do it.
• Roku is constantly expanding its library of streaming entertainment, so there will always be something new to watch
• Product Video

Additional Photos:

• Ports
• Package Contents
• Packaging

Setting up Roku is as easy as 1-2-3:

1. Plug it in. Roku is compatible with virtually any TV
2. Add it to your home network. Whether your home is wireless or wired, the helpful on-screen instructions make it a cinch.
3. Enjoy! Choose your entertainment, and control it with the handy remote

What you need:

To use Roku, you need a high speed Internet connection with a speed of at least 1.2 Mbps (such as mid-level DSL). For HD video, we recommend 5 Mbps (if you’re not sure what your speed is, go to www.speedtest.net and run the simple test). Note that not all content partners enable HD or 1080p streaming video. You may also need a wireless or wired router if you cannot connect Roku directly to your cable or DSL modem

In the box:

• Roku XD
• Composite A/V Cable
• Remote
• AC adapter
• (2) AAA Batteries
• Getting Started Guide

Woot! – One Day, One Deal