Monday, February 11, 2013 // Woot
Chastity lay across her pink and ruffly bed and tapped the piece of notebook paper. “I don’t care if my mother DID lock me in my room!” she said with an air of defiance. “I’m going to help Greasy Joe name his new band no matter what!” BAND NAME IDEAS 1. Kyocera’s Red Smile (Advantage: […]
Monday, February 11, 2013 // Woot
No living soul dared enter… UNTIL NOW! A trained killing machine, Agent Frederick Snow is surely going to Hell. But maybe sooner than he thinks. “Hey boss, it says here on this mission file that the location is Hell.” “What’sa matter, Freddy? Never been to the underworld before?” And now, he’s gotta fight his way […]
Monday, February 11, 2013 // Woot
You can keep your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free. I’ll take your Zinfandel blends of Cabernets Franc and Sauvignon, Petit Sirah and Merlot longing to provide me with good structure and a luxurious finish. The same goes for the wretched refuse of your teeming shore. Gross. I’d rather have a […]
Monday, February 11, 2013 // Woot
The makers of this Swann Security System considered naming it something more outwardly daunting, like the Grizzly Security System or the Great White Security System. But they landed on Swann instead. Why? Because swans are some mean-ass SOBs, that’s why. I know. You’d never really expect it from a swan. They’re so beautiful. So majestic. […]
Sunday, February 10, 2013 // Woot
Use this: if you’re always having long phone conversations with Yoko uNu. Don’t use this: as a card in Uno. If you traveled to the past, people would think this was a: battery iPhone case. Oh, we should clarify: by “past,” we meant 2011. This just posted on Facebook: “Don’t matter if I haven’t slept […]
Sunday, February 10, 2013 // Woot
Use this: because your desk chair’s just not bouncy enough. Don’t use this: to play basketball. Trust us, you won’t score many points trying to shoot this ball through the hoop. If this was a character in a sitcom, its catchphrase would be: “If I sit here any longer, I’m going to start FIRM-enting!” When […]
Sunday, February 10, 2013 // Woot
Behold, Apollo! It is I, your loyalest priestess! Clad only in these white robes, I ascend towards your splendor, and lift my arms to welcome your light across my- oh, for crying out loud! Someone put the 10 piece Westinghouse Outdoor Solar Lighting Set in front of my altar to the sun god again! The […]
Sunday, February 10, 2013 // Woot
To a kid, a house isn’t just a house. It’s an unfenced playground. A wide-open space of infinite possibility. And to a kid, these toy trucks aren’t toys. They’re modes of transporting imagination. That Tonka Race Along Chuck dump truck isn’t carrying toy blocks. It’s hauling creativity. You see, everyday items become things of wonder […]
Sunday, February 10, 2013 // Woot
Thank you! Thank you! Are any of you here today in … THE LIVING ROOM? Yeah! I was just in the Dining Room yesterday, they said you didn’t know how to rock! But I’m starting to think they were wrong! Yeah! Rock out! Woo! Thank you! Now, this is song off my next, soon-to-be released […]
Sunday, February 10, 2013 // Woot
Hermie, dude! Sit down here, you long tall glass of awesome! Can I just say how much I LOVE this treatment? Little long, little dense, but LOVED it! Nautical is scheduled to be hot again in Summer 2014, so you’re right on time with this one. Couple of notes here: this guy Ahab? Yikes. Not […]
