Thursday, April 18, 2013 // Woot
Okay, so these last two seasons we’ve seen a steep decline in our network’s ratings. But don’t worry! I’ve got an idea for our spring season that’ll turn everything around: “iRobot Roomba 530: The Show.” Imagine the possibilities: Families will come together, turn on their Roomba 530, and watch as it cleans their home. They’ll […]
Wednesday, April 17, 2013 // Woot
Sometimes when I’m vacuuming with my DC39 Ball Canister Vacuum, I like to pretend that it’s not a vacuum with patented cyclone technology at all, but a real cyclone. And as I’m maneuvering the Dyson Ball technology around furniture, pivoting and changing direction with just a turn of the wrist, I like to pretend that […]
Thursday, March 14, 2013 // Woot
Air isn’t just a band that hipsters love. Air is also a vital component in the evolution of wine. Without air, your wine will never reach its full flavor. But if you give your wine too much air, it’ll become slovenly, rude, and un-American. The kind of wine that rides into a small town and […]
Monday, March 11, 2013 // Woot
“Do you need a bag, Sir?” For the last time, NO! No I do NOT need a bag! Jeez, what is it with you bag pushers anyway? Everywhere I go now it’s the same thing. “You need a bag?” “How about a bag?” “What do you mean you don’t have a bag?” Well you know […]
Sunday, March 10, 2013 // Woot
The Neato XV-12 isn’t just a friendly little robot designed to clean your floors while you’re busy solving the new Super Mario game. The Neato XV-12 is a friendly little robot that lives its life like that life was an adventure! Because the Neato XV-12 runs the maze that is… your life. Just like you […]
Friday, February 22, 2013 // Woot
“Pet hair, pollen, dust and dirt. A little dander never hurt! Pet hair, pollen, dust and dirt. A little dander never … Excuse me! Excuse me, sir!” Who? Me? “Yes. Do you have a minute to talk about the destruction of natural dust mite habitats through the process of vacuuming?” You’re kidding, right? “No, sir. […]
Friday, February 15, 2013 // Woot
So, I had the weirdest dream last night. I do have a reoccurring dream about cyclones, actually. But last night’s was different. This time instead of hiding, I actually ran right up to the cyclone and grabbed it by its tail. It felt amazingly light in my hand, actually. Like it couldn’t have been more […]
Thursday, January 31, 2013 // Woot
I’m out there cleaning cause I hate dust and grime and so I get on the ball and trap those particles very fine He’s so cyclonic, and-a He’s really centered too He’s asthma friendly, oh, this sweet DC25 I rolled it round the corner That motor’s in the ball My lovely sweet DC25, that dust […]
Wednesday, December 26, 2012 // Woot
Vacthropologists have recently unearthed remains of a previously-unknown species of vacuum, dubbed Vacuus Erectus, that they say may be the missing link between primitive canister vacuums and modern machines such as the Dyson DC41 Upright Ball Vacuum. “These primitive vacuums would have benefited from being able to see above the grass to spot predators and […]
Friday, November 30, 2012 // Woot
Ernie had finally met his match with Stan, and he was now groveling to his estranged wife with hopes of a reconciliation that would lead her to call him off. “Just like the fade-free 22.2V lithium ion battery in this Dyson DC35 handheld vac, my affections for you have never faded.” Marjorie looked skeptical, but […]
