Dyson DC14 All Floors Vacuum – $179.99

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

The Root Cyclone of Life

All I ask is that you please scatter my ashes on the floor. Any floor. And then vacuum them up with a Dyson.

Weird? Why is it “weird”? Why is it any weirder than people who want their ashes scattered off of some mountainside or into some bay, where they maybe spent a few days of their entire lives? My Dyson DC14 has been every bit as important to me.

To me, its motorized brushbar is as beautiful as any vista. Its Root Cyclone technology means as much to me as any location on Earth. All I ask, as I pass into my final repose, is that I finally unite with the high-performance vacuum that has brought so much joy into my life. Where you see a HEPA filter, I see a gateway to Eternity.

Look, I haven’t lived the richest life. I hated every minute of my job pre-distressing blue jeans. The only woman I ever loved left me for an imaginary boyfriend. It seems I’ll never live to see a Super Bowl victory for my beloved Houston Astros, especially since they play baseball. The Dyson DC14 was my only taste of true excellence. Please, I beg you, grant me this one wish. Let me be encircled just once in the warmth of its yellow embrace.

After that, just put the ashes in the trash or whatever. With the bagless debris bin, they’ll be easy to dump out.

Authorized for SquareTrade Extended Warranty

Warranty: 6 Month Dyson

Condition: Refurbished

Features:

• Designed for all floor types, this Dyson upright vacuum cleaner features a motorized brushbar that can be turned on to remove dirt and pet hair from carpets, or turned off to protect rugs and delicate floors
• Telescope reach wand instantly releases and expands for easy stair cleaning
• On board tools include: brush tool, crevice tool and stair tool
• Root Cyclone™ technology: Patented technology that doesn’t lose suction power as you vacuum
• Telescope Reach™ wand: Wand and hose instantly extend 17 feet for high-reach and stair cleaning, while the vacuum remains upright and stable
• Hygienic and quick to empty: No need to touch the dust – just push the button
• Brush tool: Long bristles to remove cobwebs and for delicate cleaning
• Stair tool: A Dyson-designed tool for removing dust and dirt from stairs and stair carpets
• Crevice tool: High velocity airflow crevice tool ideal for cleaning base boards and in-between furniture
• No extra costs: All Dyson upright and canister vacuums are bagless, so there are no costly bags to replace
• Lifetime HEPA filter: Removes particles down to 0.1 micron and can be washed, while its post-motor electrostatic filter, which never needs replacing, traps harmful carbon emissions from the motor
• Air expelled from the unit contains up to 150 times less mold and bacteria than common breathing air
• Also features a 14-foot quick-draw hose, a wide channel for picking up larger pieces, auto carpet-height adjustment, a 35-foot cord, and an ergonomic design with a low handle that feels lighter to carry

In the box:

• Dyson 09712-02 DC14 AF-YELLOW
• Brush tool
• Stair tool
• Crevice tool
• Operating Manual
• Quick Start Guide
• Warranty Information

Woot! – One Day, One Deal