Neato XV-12 All Floor Robotic Vacuum System – $299.99

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

If all goes according to plan

The Neato XV-12 is an intelligent, efficient machine. That’s important to know when planning a heist.

Here are the facts as we have them:

1. Millionaire Marco Vidalli is notoriously clumsy.

2. Having come by his fortune through less-than-legal means, he fears having his actions recorded, and so has no surveillance system in his mansion.

3. His Neato XV-12 All Floor Robotic Vacuum picks up, on average, 7 precious stones which he has carelessly dropped onto the floor each day.

4. The Neato XV-12 generally finishes its cleaning around 3:15pm, at which time it returns automatically its base, where Hensley Thompson, Vidalli’s butler, is waiting for it.

5. Thompson then takes the precious stones from the Neato’s dirt bin, returns them to their proper display cases, and then empties what is left – dirt, debris, and pet hair – into the trash.

6. Thompson is 6’8”, 250 points, bench presses 390, and is trained in several illegal and deadly martial art forms.

7. He acts without hesitation, and has hospitalized at least three guests who were caught cheating at Vidalli’s weekly poker game.

8. He has a soft spot for horses.

9. During his free time, he often watches televised rodeo broadcasts and weeps.

10. He has only ever seen a horse in the flesh once (it was in a parade) and those close to him say he was so rapt with it that he could barely move or speak for some time, even after the horse had disappeared around the corner.

Therefore, in order to pull off a heist, we must:

A. Successfully scale the fence surrounding the estate.

B. Make it through the orchard without getting spotted by the guards.

C. Find an unlocked window to enter the mansion.

D. Catch the Neato in its final room (for maximum precious stone load) and trap it by closing the door (thus removing the “recognized doorway”).

E. Secure the precious stones from among the dirt, debris, and pet hair.

F. Distract Thompson so that he does not notice that the Neat-O is returning late.

G. Re-trace our steps back out the window, through the orchard, back over the fence, to our getaway car.

Chances of completing steps A-C and G with horse: Low

Chances of completing step F without horse: Impossible

And therein lies the problem.

Authorized for SquareTrade Extended Warranty

Warranty: 1 Year Neato

Condition: New

Features:

• Product Video
• Designed to meticulously clean floors on a daily basis, this all-floor robotic vacuum cleaner covers every inch of your floors, smartly seeing and working around furniture, stairs, and more. A simple user interface allows you to schedule it to clean your rooms while you are away.
• Neato’s laser-based Room Positioning System gives the robot vacuum a full 360-degree view of a room so it can create a map of the room, detecting walls, doorways, furniture and other obstacles.
• Using its map, the Neato avoids most obstacles that other robots can only detect by impact. Just press the Start button and your Neato determines the best cleaning path to clean the floors using its unique, methodical straight-line pattern.
• Once it finishes cleaning one entire room, it drives through one of the “recognized doorways,” to start cleaning the next room. And, with its powerful vacuum suction, it picks up all your dirt, debris, and pet hair on your floors.
• Bonus accessories include:
  – 1 Replacement Squeegee Blade
  – 4 Extra Filters
  – 6 Replacement Brush Blades
• It’s Smart – The Room Positioning System (RPS) is the proprietary technology that makes Neato as smart as–sometimes smarter–than a human housekeeper.  Go ahead and rearrange the furniture: Neato will adapt its course without missing a beat.
• It’s Powerful – The high-performance vacuum inside your robot works in a precise back-and-forth motion, picking up even tiny specks, and easily sliding under sofas, tables and beds.
• It’s Simple – Just charge it up, press the Start button, and watch it work. Once it’s finished in one room, it will begin working in the next–or return automatically to its base for recharging and resume cleaning where it left off.
• Schedule everyday cleaning with a few simple button presses and your house is always ready for guests, even when you’ve been out all day.
• It works on all floor types–carpet, rugs, hardwood, Pergo, and tile–so you never have to clean another floor, even in your bathroom.
• It uses the most powerful vacuum system with efficient air flow and suction to clean up dirt, dust, and pet hair
• Easy to Use – Just press start and it cleans for you
• Low maintenance design means you just need to empty the dirt bin between cleanings
• Neato cleans using a back and forth pattern, ensuring that it thoroughly cleans all of your floors
• Largest dirt bin in a robotic vacuum—its easy to access and empty
• Designed as a true vacuum with a beater brush and the strongest suction available in any robotic vacuum cleaner
• Scuff-free navigation: At the vacuum’s core is a centrifugal compression impeller that follows jet engine airflow principles. It creates sustained high-powered suction, allowing the Neato to thoroughly pick up dirt and debris

In the box:

Neato XV-12 Robotic Vacuum Cleaner

• (1) Charging Base

Accessory Kit includes:

• (1) Replacement Squeegee Blade
• (4) Replacement Filters
• (6) Replacement Brush Blades

Woot! – One Day, One Deal