3D Massager Seat

Wednesday, July 4, 2012

We’d like to apologize to any lines and/or polygons who saw this Oregon Scientific 3D Massager Seat and considered buying it, but unfortunately Flatland is a no-go state. Mostly because nobody knows how to land planes there.

At any rate, though, it’s not a huge loss. You wouldn’t be able to enjoy it anyway. After all, the 3D movement of two Shiatsu massage heads are designed to adjust automatically to the individual CONTOURS of a person’s back. Since you guys don’t have contours, it would just feel kinda like… well, we don’t actually know what it would feel like, but you’d probably miss a lot of the best parts. Sure, maybe there’d be some way to use the remote control to personalize the massage so it was fit for a square (which is literally what you are; that’s not meant an insult), but good luck finding that in the instruction manual!

Jeez, could you even open the instruction manual?!

• Power: 12V DC Power Adapter
• Input: 110-240V 50/60Hz
• Dimensions: 30.7″(L) x 15.7″(W) x 3.54″(H)
• Weight: 42.33 oz

In the box:

• (1) Oregon Scientific WS912 3D Massager Seat
• (1) Power Adapter
• Owner’s Manual

Woot