Mr. Root Beer Kit with Refill Pack

Monday, July 23, 2012

CHICAGO – Police launched a raid on a suspected root beer speakeasy early Sunday morning in response to numerous reports that the club was engaging in illicit trafficking of root beer. Chicago’s own Eliot Mess and several of his famed “Unsudsables” were on the scene to break up the bootlegging operation and several barrels of sweet, creamy root beer.

Inside, officers found numerous 1-liter bottles of the devil’s pop, packets of Flavor Crystals, Root Beer Extract, Root Beer Yeast, No Rinse Cleaner, and more.”Despite the inherent brilliance of trying to legislate morality, we’re still running into scumbag operations like this,” Mess said, adding “If I had a red cent for every Mr. Root Beer Kit with Refill Pack I’ve shattered on the pavement, by golly I’d have roughly 45 cents. Enough for a spacious three bedroom apartment in today’s dollars.”

Chicago’s most notorious businessman, Mack Stabone, saluted the city’s finest on their discovery and destruction of illicit soda. “Eh, it wasn’t my operation. They’ll never get me, unless it’s on something stupid and seemingly trivial like erecting a retaining wall over three feet tall without a proper permit or something, but that’ll never happen.”

In the box:

• (1) Mr. Root Beer Homemade Root Beer Kit includes:
  – (1) Bottle of Root Beer Extract
  – (2) Packets of Flavor Crystals
  – (1) Packet of Root Beer Yeast
  – (2) Packets of No-Rinse Cleanser
  – (4) Plastic 1-liter Bottles (PET)
  – (4) Bottle Caps and Gaskets
  – (1) Plastic Funnel
  – (4) Root Beer Bottle Labels
  – (1) Easy to follow Instructions/Fun Guide
• (1) Refill Pack includes:
  – (1) Bottle of Root Beer Mix
  – (2) Packets of Flavor Crystals
  – (1) Packet of Root Beer Yeast
  – (1) Packet of No-Rinse Cleanser
  – Instruction Guide

Woot