Mint Hard Floor Cleaner

Thursday, July 26, 2012

An excerpt from my rejected spec script for the show, Sherlock:

Int.  British Room  Day

SHERLOCK enters, looking tall, vampire-y, and British. JOHN WATSON follows him in, also in looking British but not as tall and pretty much vampire-free.

The room is decorated with ANTIQUE-Y BRITISH-LOOKING STUFF. A small TERRIER sleeps on the couch. The room is very clean and SHERLOCK and JOHN are the only people in it.

SHERLOCK: Wait, John. Don’t take another step. I’ve already figured out everything there is to know about this room.JOHN: Well then, please explain it while the camera does a bunch of really fast zooms, weird cuts, and the like.

SHERLOCK: Certainly…

While SHERLOCK explains, the camera does a bunch of really fast zooms, weird cuts, and the like.

SHERLOCK (continued): What is wrong with this room, John?

JOHN: I don’t know.

SHERLOCK: It’s clean, that’s what’s wrong. We’re investigating the murder of the maid of a suspicious-seeming stock broker. She was murdered last Thursday, as established in a previous scene with similar camera cuts. Yet this room is freshly swept and wet-mopped. Within the last hour, in fact. And whoever did it was very good. Look here, these edges – perfectly spotless. And look over there, who’s that?

JOHN: Muffy, the broker’s terrier.

SHERLOCK: Yes, now look down. The floor – the hardwood floor – do you see any pet hair?

JOHN: No.

SHERLOCK: Exactly, so whoever cleaned this room did so while Muffy slept, so we know the cleaner was here recently and we know he was quiet, whisper-quiet.

SHERLOCK takes a WEIRD FLASHLIGHT THING out of his pocket and shines it on the ground.

SHERLOCK (continued): Now, set your eyes on this! This flashlight thing that I’m using illuminates the cleaner’s path around the room by doing something science-y and unexplainable. As you can see, the cleaner was not on his feet, but instead a set of wheels, perhaps a skateboard? No. That’s nonsense. A skateboard couldn’t move so robotically precisely as these paths imply. Why, it almost seems as if the wheels were guided by a nav system, a NorthStar Navigation System, to be more specific. And if I’d guess, I’d say whoever made them shares his or its name with a particularly leafy herb whose flavor goes well with chocolate, especially in ice cream.

JOHN: Where did you get that from?

SHERLOCK: That’s not important, John. What is important is that this person – or device – murdered the maid in order to take her position and ascend the ranks of the stock broker’s house staff.

JOHN: so, who is he?

SHERLOCK: No idea.

JOHN: Really?

SHERLOCK: Oh, don’t get me wrong. I should be able to figure it out, considering how quickly I got all that, but the writers always have to make sure that I miss something or else the show would be over in, like, 10 minutes. So what do you want to do until something random that someone says triggers that realization?

JOHN: I don’t know… we could go to another restaurant where the waiter will think we’re a couple?

SHERLOCK: Ah, yes! That’s hilarious every time! Off we go!

They exit the room.

Care Instructions:

To keep your cloths in good shape for hundreds of hours of cleaning, please follow these laundering recommendations:

• Machine wash warm
• Tumble dry low or air dry
• Do not use fabric softener or bleach as these can degrade the cloth fibers over time

Mint is compatible with most brands of dry and pre-moistened wet cleaning cloths including SWIFFER? brand and store brands like Target?. These are widely available at grocery, drug and mass merchant stores, or online.  Please note that Mint is not compatible with SWIFFER? WetJet? Refills.

Wet cleaning with microfibers is safe for sealed floor surfaces including tile, vinyl, laminate and sealed hardwood. Disposable pre-moistened cloths are usually safe for the same floor types, but always check the package to make sure they are safe for your floor type.

In the Box:

• (1) Mint Automatic Floor Cleaner
• (1) NiMH 7.2V 1500 mAh Rechargeable Battery
• (1) NorthStar Navigation Cube with 2 C Alkaline batteries
• (2) Dry Sweeping Microfiber Cloths
• (1) Wet Mopping Microfiber Cloth
• (1) Power Adapter
• Quick Start Guide
• User Manual

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