Hurom Slow Juicer

Thursday, July 26, 2012

Sylvia didn’t give two rips about baby food this or marinades that. Her number one priority for this Hurom Slow Juicer was to successfully extract every single micro ounce of booze from this vodka-infused watermelon. She definitely needed it after her most recent encounter with Lesley.

She had made the mistake of getting on the elevator, instead of making an excuse to take the stairs when she realized Lesley was already inside it. Walking up 20-something floors and risking cardiac arrest was nothing compared to the excruciating conversation that ensued when Lesley spotted Sylvia’s new juicer in her shopping bag.

“Sylvia, I don’t mean to pry …”

Yes you do, thought Sylvia.

“… but you know you’re losing valuable nutrients by using a juicer instead of a blender, right?”

“Actually, Lesley, this particular juicer’s method of extraction is masticating and pressing, using the screw-like auger to cold-press food like a mortar and pestle to crush and press the food, releasing its deep-seated nutrients and enzymes. And while it uses a patented Low Speed Technology System, it actually juices faster than most typical juicers and expels significantly more juice from the same foods, resulting in much drier pulp.”

There, Sylvia thought. That’ll shut her up.

But no.

“Well that’s exactly the problem you see,” said Lesley in her annoying know-it-all singsongy voice. “If you’re not incorporating the pulp into your beverages like a blender does, you may as well just be drinking sugar water.”

“Lesley, I hardly think that’s an accurate …”

“The pulp is loaded with tons of essential vitamins, minerals, antioxidants, pro-oxidants, amino acids, sulfuric acids and so much more.”

It was clear that Lesley had thrown in a few of those just for good measure. Sylvia could not believe how clueless this nitwit was.

“Actually, Lesley, this juicer’s slow RPM ensures that the cellular structure of fruits and vegetables is kept intact, eliminating oxidation and separation, which preserves the precious enzymes and nutrients so they remain closest to their natural form.”

Take that, you incorrigible dolt, thought Sylvia.

“I’m sure you’re right, Sylvia. It’s just that it’s so important for a lady of your age to really think about what you’re putting into your body,” said Lesley with a patronizing smile as she exited the elevator.

After that comment, the only thing Sylvia was thinking about putting anywhere was Lesley’s head in the juicer.

In the Box:

(1) Hurom HU-100B Slow Juicer includes:

• (1) HUROM? juicer base with easy-carry handle
• (1)  Juicing bowl
• (1)  Lid
• (1)  Strainer, good for all food types
• (1)  Auger
• (1)  Silicone cleaning brush
• (1)  Food plunger
• (1) Juice container
• (1) Pulp container
• (1) Cleaning scrub brush
• (1) “100 Gourmet Recipes for the Slow Juicer” cookbook
• (1) Product manual

Woot